


Different, but same

by Crazyheart



Category: SKAM (Norway), SKAM (TV)
Genre: Breakup, Everything is love, Fluff, Heartache, Light Choking, Lots of sexy times, M/M, Sexy Times, SkamFicWeek, Smut, Two Actually, a nice birthday gift, alternative universe, bed sharing, even and isak in love, learning to know each other again, learning to know themselves, post breakup, seemingly dramatical personality change, ski holiday, some dominance in the bed department, some friendship too, this sounds way worse than it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:38:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 31,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11805231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazyheart/pseuds/Crazyheart
Summary: Isak and Even had broken up almost a year ago, and Even was devastated. At Easter he tried to get over it and went on a ski holiday with Yousef and Elias. At the cabin he met a guy that looked like Isak, except his dark, buzz cut hair, well trained body and rough, charismatic personality. The fact that he called himself Markus Simensen was even more confusing... Even started to doubt who the guy was, because he seemed more like a self assured asshole, but of course... he had to be Isak.Translated to russian here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/5864172





	1. No strings attached, no feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! This fic was inspired of some fantastic fanart (@kokir2121 on insta (can't link) and @crazy_moris on Twitter: https://mobile.twitter.com/crazy_moris/status/894138401103982593). When I saw them I just had to write this. 
> 
> This is also written for #SkamFicWeek. Today's theme is bed sharing. And there will be a little bed sharing. 
> 
> I'm a little nervous about this fic, because I am pushing some of my bounderies when I break up Isak and Even and make Isak change a bit for a while. For some readers, Markus' name might make this fic not so tempting, too. But it was soooo fun to write. It really was.
> 
> I should probably have read through the text one more time, but I'm too tired, and I`m not good at waiting.

**EVEN**

 

_June 2018 (Then)_

Even closed his eyes, the sight of Isak`s angry eyes and raised hand being too much to watch. He knew that Isak would never hurt him, or hit him, but he had thought he never would raise his hand, too. That he never would become so angry. How could this go so far? Even shut his eyes tight. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to say a word.

As he opened his eyes, heat shot from them in an angry glare. Pure menace. He had gotten pretty good at this look with Isak lately. But never once had he meant it.

Did he mean it now? He didn`t know.

He saw a regret pass across Isak’s green eyes. And fear. What was Isak afraid of? Himself? Those damn green eyes, that bore into him. Isak`s hands hung empty by his sides now, and his anger seemed mixed with sadness. He must have sensed that Even saw past his resolve because he immediately straightened his posture in a look of defiance.

Even had to shut his eyes again. He couldn't look at Isak. That fucking possessive, hot-tempered idiot. He loved him so much. But they couldn't go on like this. They couldn't keep on fighting and hurting each other. He swallowed. He wasn't going to cry.

“This doesn't work anymore”, he said. His voice was a low even tone. It felt strong. He left no room in his voice for the doubt he felt as he said it again. “This just doesn't work, Isak.”

He turned around quickly, not daring to look back. He grabbed his car keys from the kitchen table and started out the door.

“Even, don't…” Isak started. Begged. Even didn`t care. He didn't care about those green eyes that knew him in and out. He didn't care that only Isak had saved him back. He didn't care that only Isak could make love to him until all he could think was his name.

He slammed the door.

 

_April 2019 (Now)_

 

The sun was shining in Even`s face, making him narrow his eyes and search for his sunglasses. He was on the train, on his way to an Easter ski holiday somewhere in the middle of Norway (middle of nowhere) with Yousef and Elias. He should be thrilled. However, the only thing he could think about was that the last time he went skiing like this, he was with Isak.

The thought of it made his chest clench again. He and Isak. They were supposed to stay together forever. Now Even hadn't spoken to Isak since the end of June last year.

Yousef and Elias were bantering and laughing next to him. They were probably pretty fed up with him being sad and useless. He just couldn't help it.

“Come on,” Elias said, “snap out of it already, Even! It's been almost a year now. We’re going to have fun!”

Even felt guilty. These guys did all they could to make him feel better. They deserved that he at least tried. “I know”, he said. “It'll be great.”

“I never got why you two broke up,” Yousef said, and put his arm around his shoulders. Shook him a little. “You two seemed to be the real deal. You even made Sana believe in true love, you know.”

Even swallowed hard. Isak had made him believe in true love, too. “It was… complicated.”

He sighed. The whole break up was a little difficult for him to grasp, to be honest. What had gone wrong? They had been so happy together, in their new flat. They had shared everything and learned to trust each other. They were all over each other all the time, loving each other and making love to each other. Everything was good.

It was good for a long time.

Still, Isak`s last school year had been overwhelming in many ways. Isak had a lot of pressure at school and Even had started to work full time at Kaffebrenneriet. The decision to take a break from studies was easy. He needed that time to figure out what he wanted. And to figure out what Isak wanted. So that they, in the end, could figure out together what they wanted for their future. Well, that was the idea.

And in the beginning, everything was fine. Isak worked hard at school and Even worked hard as well. They took everything day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. Of course, they didn't see each other as much as before, since Even had to work some evenings, but they still saw each other a lot. Even was often tired, and Isak too, but they managed. They made it work.

Something changed during the early spring before Isak`s exams and graduation. Isak became more and more stressed out from the school work, and Even knew that he didn't sleep well. Isak`s mom got sicker, too, and Isak struggled a lot with it. All these things worried Even a lot, but he didn't know what to do. He tried to support Isak, like Jonas and his other buddies also did, but Isak kept struggling. The whole situation made Even feel powerless.

They carried on, trying to make the best of the fact that they had different lives, and that they were different people. Even knew he sometimes was too impulsive, messy and reckless, while Isak drove him mad planning everything. They had some conflicts because of it, of course. Even wished that he had the strength to make Isak happy by tidying up the apartment or being more organized, but he struggled with it.

Even started to struggle with sleeping, too. At first, he thought it just was because of stress, but then it seemed like he was a bit unstable. The meds weren't entirely right. Maybe that was one of the reasons they started arguing all the time. Even was irritable for nothing, and Isak was stressed out because of school, and they argued about almost everything. They argued about the laundry, about the mess, and the money. The only thing they never argued about, was Even`s illness. Isak helped him get an alarm to remind him of his meds, but he never hassled him about it, and he never questioned it if Even chose to drink a little too much, smoke or stay up late. Isak never tried to tell Even what he felt or needed. Even knew it was because Isak thought about the issues Even once had with his ex-girlfriend and that he respected that. Isak never crossed that line.

They still had plenty to fight about, though. They always became friends again, of course, but the whole thing was tiring.

And then there was the episode, of course.

Even had an episode where Isak tried to stop him from running out. Except that Even was very manic and very determined, and managed to push Isak over, on his way out.

He hurt Isak.

When Even came to, he couldn't bear the thought. Isak was fine, he said he was fine. But Even knew he could have hurt Isak badly, and he didn`t know, because he was so out of it. It scared him senseless.

He crashed into a depression that sucked everything out of him. And that was when Even knew that their relationship couldn't possibly work. Not in the long run. He had to protect Isak, from himself. But he didn't know how to. He knew Isak would not let him leave without a fight. “You don't know shit about how this is going to end,” he said, more than one time. Always suggesting that they should take things chill.

So they did. They both were stressed out, and tired, and worried about each other, but they tried to take everything chill. And they tried to carefully start to look at their future.

That spring it became evident that their plans for the future were quite different, though. Isak wanted to study in Trondheim, while Even wanted to go to Westerdals in Oslo. Even was terrified of the thought of Isak moving away. Stay, he wanted to say. _Stay with me_. He knew that the best thing probably would have been to let Isak go, that he would be better off without Even and his messy life, but he still wanted Isak to stay. It was selfish, but he couldn't help it.

He didn't ask Isak to stay, though.

He tried to be open and honest with Isak about most things, but he knew that he couldn`t ask Isak to stay in Oslo. He just couldn`t. It would have been too selfish. He couldn't go with Isak, either, he knew he had to follow his own dream. He had waited long enough. So he didn't say anything.

The fear of Isak leaving still burned in him, though. He hated the thought of a long distance relationship. He hated the thought of missing Isak all the time. But it was their only option.

“We'll make it work”, he said.

“Yeah,” Isak answered. He didn't seem that worried at all. He seemed tense, but not worried. “We will.”

Even was sure that this was the beginning of the end. A part of him still hoped that Isak wouldn't let him give up that easily.

It was a small, insignificant thing that finally broke them up. Isak got pissed, because of a stupid misunderstanding, and he got mad like he had never been before. Even got mad, like he had never been before, too. They said hurtful things to each other, and Isak raised his hand. He didn't do anything. He didn`t hurt Even. Still, Even knew it was over, it had gone too far, and he told Isak. Even just wanted the best for Isak. That he could live, and thrive, and be happy. They had to end it, to make that possible. Even if it broke his own heart.

A part of him still hoped that Isak would fight for them like he always used to, but he knew it was too much to ask.

He was right.

 

_June 2018 (Then)_

Even was sitting in his parents’ house crying and feeling like shit. The anger had melted away. He couldn't help it that he still loved Isak like he did. Nothing Isak could ever do or say would change that. But they couldn't fix things if they continued like this. Not that they even had a chance to do that at all right now.

He still couldn't believe things had gone so far. Isak had almost hit him. Well, he hadn't done it, but it had been close. He had been so angry!

Could they ever recover from this? Even curled his fists grabbing the chair he sat on and cried. He didn't care about anything but Isak.

But then he got the text:

 

_I am so sorry, Even. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just got so angry._

_I understand it if you hate me._

_I don't hate you, Isak._

_We just can't continue like this._

_OK._

_Maybe you're right._

_About what?_

_Maybe this doesn't work anymore._

 

It hurt. It hurt so much. Even stared at the words in shock, with tears streaming down his face. Isak said that they didn't work anymore? Isak, the one who never used to give up? Even had expected more accusations and anger, or even regret and sadness, but not this.

How could Isak give everything up like this? Even couldn't understand it. Isak must have stopped loving him, that was the only possible explanation.

Even never answered that text. He had meant to answer, but the words were so brutal, and he couldn't do it. Isak had made the choice. They were over.

The next weeks Even stayed with his parents, and cried and cried for days. He missed Isak so much that his body ached from it. He hurt like he never had hurt before. To be honest, he didn't function at all, so he had to stay home from work. He didn't understand how he was supposed to continue like this, without Isak.

His friends did all they could to support him, of course, and he was thankful that they also supported Isak. They both had strong circles of friends now, and had so much more than when they first met.

Nobody understood why they broke up, though. Elias, Yousef, Sana and the others tried to ask Even what had happened, but he never had a good answer.

“If it makes you feel better, Isak seems devastated, too”, Sana said once.

It didn't make him feel better at all.

Jonas came by once, and had questions, too. “Isak doesn't say a word, Even, and you know how difficult it is to help him then.”

So Even tried. “We have both been stressed out and irritable and we have been arguing a lot,” he said. “We have both said and done some hurtful things”. “Maybe we both have struggled with that long distance thing, too”.

“That`s just… none of those things are reasons to break up,” Jonas said then.

“I just want Isak to be happy,” Even admitted. Then he didn't want to say another word.

Two weeks later Isak texted him that he was sorry, that Even had meant everything to him, and that he moved out of the flat. Even could find the key in their mailbox. Even knew that Isak was going on a cabin trip with his older sister and her family (they had planned to go together), and after the summer he was probably going to Trondheim to study. It was over.

Even had thought that he had been finished crying, but he was wrong. He locked himself in his room and cried until his eyes were sore and he fell asleep of exhaustion.

It took almost a month before Even managed to move back into the flat. When he finally dared to lock himself in there, all their plants had died, and Isak`s clothes and books were gone. Apart from that, all their things were there. The photos of Isak made his heart ache. He saw Isak`s birthday present, that he hadn't opened, and he couldn't hold his tears back.

All their memories were there.

Even looked at it all, and decided to let it all be. It pained him, but he would have to endure the pain. He somehow felt like he deserved it.

 

_April 2019 (Now)_

Even, Elias and Yousef were finally at their destination, at Oppdal Ski center, not far from Trondheim. They were supposed to be staying in a cabin there for 10 days. It was a huge cabin, that they would have to share with other ski enthusiasts, but Even didn`t bother about that. He hoped that skiing and hanging out with his friends would be all that mattered.

He didn`t bother the other guests at all before they entered the cabin, and he saw a guy standing in the kitchen, making some sort of deadly green smoothie.

He looked just like Isak.

Well, no, he sort of didn't look at Isak at all, to be honest.

This guy had a darker buzz cut hair, was more muscular and seemed to have a totally different posture. His eyes seemed to burn through you when they stared. He was well built and strong, and looked like he took no crap from anyone. His clothes were different, too. He wore some clingy sweatpants and a black tight tank top that showed off his muscles. But his face was the same, of course. Even could have recognized him everywhere. This was Isak.

 _Isak, Isak, Isak_ , his mind went, as his heart raced. At the same time, Even was confused. What was this all about? Isak had always loved to play soccer, but had always been too lazy to work out. When did he start working out on a regular basis, and why? And why would he cut of his beautiful hair, and colour it? Why would he change his behaviour, and clothes? Had Isak gone through some major personality change, or something?

Even didn`t know what to do. His heart beat so hard that he could hear his pulse drumming in his ears. What was the etiquette for situations like this? He probably should say hi. He knew he should. So he let Yousef and Elias go in front of him to their room, stopped in the doorway to the kitchen, and said: “Hi.”

Isak looked up. For a moment his eyes widened, but then his face changed into a teasing smile and he said: “Hi, sweetie, are you new here?”

Sweetie? Even swallowed. Isak never said, sweetie. Isak never looked like this. Grinning, confident, like a predator on a hunt.

“Isak -”

“You must be mistaking me for someone else”, the other guy said, and continued smiling. He approached Even in long, confident strides and stretched out a hand. Isak`s hand. He moved in a new way, though. More self-assured. And his muscles were defined in a totally new way. “I`m Markus. Markus Simensen.”

Markus? Even stared at him as he took his hand. _Isak’s eyes._ At least his green eyes were the same. Even felt dazed, and clinged to the gaze as an anchor. What was this? Why did Isak do this? Should he confront him? Play along? What?

“Even”, he said. “But you - “

Isak, or Markus, was getting even closer. He was so close, that Even could feel the heat from his body. “Hi, Even”, he said, eying him up and down. “You're kind of cute. Tall and lanky, I like it. How long are you staying here?”

Even blushed. He didn't understand a thing, but he knew the answer to that. “Ten days”.

He stole another glance at the other guy. Markus, or Isak (this was Isak, for fuck`s sake) looked damn good. He didn't have his golden locks, but his short, dark hair framed his face in a new way. Made him look more mature, maybe. Rougher. Even couldn`t help feeling the attraction. Still, it hurt a little that Isak could change this much, and decide to forget all about Even and the life that they used to have. Isak didn't look heartbroken at all.

Isak, or Markus, smirked, as something indefinite flickered through his eyes. “I'm looking forward to seeing you again, then, lovely”.

He winked, turned away, and went to clean up the kitchen counter. Even stood for a moment, with his heart racing, pondering what just happened, but in the end, he realized that he should go.

“See you”, he muttered, and left on wobbly feet.

“What is it?” Elias asked, as he entered their room. “You`re like... flustered”.

Even sat down on one of the beds. “I think I saw Isak”, he said, and sighed. “But he calls himself Markus and he's totally different. He has shaved his hair and coloured it darker, he has worked out a lot and he dresses differently and stands, moves and talks like he's another person.”

He covered his face with his hands and groaned. “I don't understand shit here.”

When he opened his eyes, bot Elias and Yousef looked confused.

“What the fuck? Isak?” Yousef said.

“Yeah. Or no, I don't know. He looks just like Isak. But can my mind be tricking me? Can I be imagining things? He flirted with me, for God`s sake, and called me sweetie. He never used to call me that.”

Yousef and Elias looked at each other, and at him. “Who knows,” Yousef said. “That's the weirdest thing I've heard, though. Ever.”

“Well, it's not far from Trondheim”, Elias said. “Isak studies there, right? It`s not so weird if Isak is here on a holiday. But why would he change his name?”

Even shook his head. He didn't get it.

“Well, we can have a look at dinner”, Yousef said. “We're all eating together at seven, right?”

Even huffed. “Isak doesn't exactly love gatherings like that.”

“Well, maybe Markus does”, Elias said.

Markus did.

When Even, Elias and Yousef turned up for dinner, Markus, or Isak, was fooling around with some of the other guests, laughing and being cocky. It was weird to look at. He was so different. Even his laugh was different from Isak`s. He bellowed out his laughter, while Isak would have giggled, or maybe rolled his eyes.

Even could still see hints of Isak, though. Small mannerisms that Isak wasn't aware of. Like the way he nodded and smiled when he winked. Or the way he licked his lips.

Markus, or Isak, looked up as they came into the room, and caught Even staring. _Oh fuck._ Even tried to look away, but couldn`t. Markus looked at him, no stared _through_ him, and grinned. But there was something about his eyes, he almost looked as if he was plotting something.

“Fuck”, Elias breathed, “That's really Isak. But not.”

“So confusing”, Yousef muttered.

“Yeah”, Even agreed.

“Hei, guys!” Markus said. The gentle, but strong tone in his voice made Even even more confused. “There are seats for you here, next to me”.

Isak would never do that. After a breakup like theirs, he would have shied away during the whole holiday. Even almost doubted that this could be Isak, after all. Almost.

“Thanks”, Even said, and smiled a shaky smile.

They approached him, and Markus shook hands with Elias and Yousef, like he had never met them before. He smiled, and laughed, and introduced them to the other guests and acted like he loved to be at the centre of attention.

Even could only stare. He ended up next to Markus at the table, with his pulse drumming in his ears and his hands shaking, scared for what Markus would say or do. And even more scared of what he would allow Markus to say and do. He had missed Isak so much, and now he was here. Or Markus was. Fuck, this was confusing. And it would be so easy to fall into Isak`s game or whatever it was. The thought scared him. He didn't need to get his heart broken again. But he knew he most likely would, if he didn't back off soon.

“You're late,” Markus said, smiling, “but I’m glad you’re here.”

Even couldn't reply. Markus put his hand on his shoulder and turned him around to face him.

“Why so upset?” he questioned. _God damn those green eyes._ This was Isak, no doubt about that.

“Isak, cut the crap”, Even muttered.

The other guy shook his head, and smiled. “I`m Markus, and I really like you. Something tells me that you like me, too.”

Even`s chest hurt. Fuck, he couldn't do this. He couldn't just play along. “Fuck off,” Even managed, his throat feeling like sandpaper.

Markus smiled a slow smile, leaning closer. “Oh, but I’m sure I can find a way to show you how much I like you, Even.” He stared daringly into Even's eyes and raised his eyebrows.

Even didn't know where to look or what to do.

“I really like you.” Markus was so close, breathing in his ear. Even shuddered. He was suddenly rock hard in his pants. How did Isak, or Markus, do that by just being close to him? This was insane. He hoped, no prayed that Markus wouldn`t come closer, or look at his crotch.

Markus looked up, his dark green eyes bore into Even’s again. Then he cocked his head sideways a bit, narrowing his eyes as he glanced down, eyeing Even’s crotch. He smiled a slow smile.

Even cleared his throat, and moved his chair so he sat closer to the table. He glanced around. The noise from everyone talking and laughing was loud, and the other guests didn't seem to notice the tension between them at all. Yousef and Elias were glancing at Markus, or Isak, from time to time, but right now, they seemed more occupied with the food. Thank goodness.

“Let's just eat”, Even said.

“Oh, I think I want to do something else, sweetheart.”

Markus (Isak! It was Isak!) removed his hand from his shoulders and discreetly reached down under the table, slowly brushing his fingertips up and down Even’s hard, aching length through the fabric of his jeans. Even gasped. His legs were trembling. He was breathing in short little puffs of air.

"See, you do like me. You want me, don't you?" Markus whispered, continuing to stroke him.

Even didn`t know what to do. He wanted this. Fuck, he needed this. But he didn't understand Isak's motives. Isak had left him. In fact, they had agreed that they didn`t work as a couple anymore. Even`s heart broke, and Isak must have felt it, too. Isak would never do anything that could hurt them both again. So why did he act like this?

“Why?” he asked, whispering, searching Isak’s eyes. “Why do you do this?”

“I told you,” the other guy answered, with dark lust and something similar to sadness in his eyes. “I like you, and I wanna show you how much. This is who I am. No strings attached. No feelings”.

 _Aha_. Even got it then. Isak needed this. Isak was still hurting, and maybe even mad, and he wanted to fuck him. No feelings. Even could understand that, somehow. It wasn't ideal, they both would probably get hurt from it, but Even couldn't care less right now. Isak`s hand on his dick made it impossible to think straight. Even decided that he would give Isak, or Markus, or whoever he wanted to be, what he wanted.

“Okay,” he breathed.

Isak smiled. "Follow me." He removed his hand. Even made an almost whimpering sound, and coughed to hide it.

Isak took Even’s hand in his and pulled him up. Even stood up, throwing Yousef and Elias some excusing looks at the same time as he tried to hide his boner for everyone. He followed Isak. He had no idea where they were going, and he didn't care.

Isak lead him into a room, that had to be his. It seemed like a one man room. Even noticed books, clothes and a Mac, but not a snapback in sight. Isak closed the door behind them, turned around, and moved closer, circling him, holding his gaze, like a tiger approaching his prey. “I'm gonna pin you against that wall now, okay?"

Even gulped. "Okay."

Then Isak was all over him. Even was pinned against the wall, Isak's hands gripping his shoulders as he burned holes in him with his stare.

Isak thrust his hips against Even and started to grind them against him in slow circles, his eyes never leaving Even’s. Isak slid his hands from Even’s shoulders down his sides, as he resumed his grip, this time on Even’s waist. Isak pressed his thumbs into him, squeezing him, hands taking claim of the flesh below his ribs. Even moaned.

“You won’t admit you like me”, his voice sounded deeper; darker almost, "but I think that's bullshit. So, I’m going to show you just how much you like me, and how much I like you”.

Even trembled.

Isak smirked.

Even wanted to kiss him so badly, but something in Isak’s eyes stopped him.

Isak leaned in and kissed his neck. Licked it. Even’s dangling arms suddenly found the motivation to move as he ran his fingers over Isak’s buzzcut hair. The silky stubbles felt alien and nice at the same time. He pulled Isak’s head impossibly closer. Isak pulled Even’s hips closer in return, pulling his ass off the wall, and increasing the friction of their desperate grind.

Isak lifted his head, and Even couldn't hide that he was panting. Isak’s green eyes met his blue ones.

"Like me now?" he breathed.

“Shut up”.

_I fucking love you, you asshole._

Isak moved his hands down to Even’s ass, groping him as he lifted him up. Even wrapped his long legs around Isak’s back as he carried him in the direction of the bed. "You have the most amazing ass," Isak whispered against his neck. “And crazy long legs, God you’re beautiful”.

Even startled; that was pretty close to something Isak could have said; he would always tease him and rave about his long legs.

Isak didn't seem to notice his reaction. He dropped Even down on his back and just stood above him. His eyes were dark. Even sat up, confused by his inaction.

"Strip," was all Isak said.

Even blinked. Isak was really going for this dominance thing. Well, if it was what he wanted, Even didn't mind. It felt a little weird not to be kissing Isak, and not showing his affection, but if Isak needed this, he would give it to him. If this was the only scrap of Isak he would get, he would take it.

"Whatever you want", he replied, letting his voice drop lower (because he knew Isak loved that), and pulled his shirt over his head. Isak stared at him and swallowed. Even unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, rolling them down his legs.

Isak still stared at him. “God, you’re sexy.”

Even blushed. He was speechless. Then Isak took his tank top off. Even was suddenly breathless, too. _Holy fuck_ . All those hours Isak most likely had spent at the gym had really paid off. Isak’s long lean muscles stretched and flexed beneath his lightly tanned skin as he bent down to remove his tight sweatpants. Even had loved Isak`s lean body, but he certainly appreciated this one, too. He wanted to lick his abs, to bury his face in his chest, to bite his arms, it was ridiculous. Isak’s briefs disappeared too, and his dick was just as beautiful as always. _Fuck._ Even knew that he had no chance in hell to stay calm anymore, if he ever had the illusion that he would.

Isak stepped forward as Even leaned back on the bed, the head of his cock exposed above the waistband of his still-present briefs. Isak leaned down over him and kissed, licked, and bit his way down his chest. Even’s lungs burned as he gasped for air.

Isak worked his way down, arriving at Even’s hips. "I think I remember telling you to strip," he spoke evenly, eyeing Even’s white underwear. He raised an eyebrow. Then he pulled at the elastic, stretching it out, and snapped it back against his hip. Even whimpered, his cock twitching.

Isak pulled Even’s briefs down his slender legs in one smooth action. "Better," he husked, the desire building behind those green eyes.

Seated between his splayed legs, Isak leaned forward, gently stroking Even’s length with his fingertips like he had outside his jeans earlier. Even’s breath hitched as he began to buck his hips upward, desperate for more contact.

"Now I think it's time we play a game," Isak said, still softly brushing his fingertips along Even’s cock, staring into his eyes, "From now on, I don't do anything unless you beg me for it."

Even groaned. He hated to try to talk dirty, it always made him embarrassed. The idea of begging Isak for it made him cringe, but feel even more horny, too.

Isak removed his hand completely.

"Uh!" Even exclaimed frantically, "Don't... ohhh... don't stop..."

Isak cocked his head. "Don't stop what?"

"Fuck! Touching... Don't....."

His hips were completely off the bed. Even knew he must have looked possessed.

"And the magic word?"

"Please! Please, Isak, just don't fucking stop..."

Isak grinned. He didn't seem to mind that Even called him by his real name. Maybe he was too caught up in his game. His hand resumed its position but with more vigour this time. His fingers curled around Even’s shaft as he slowly began to pump.

“Isak…”

Isak smirked, and his voice was smooth like silk. "Just tell me what you need, baby. Beg and ye shall receive."

 _Baby_. Fuck, that hurt. This was Isak. His Isak. Tears formed in Even’s eyes at the same time as his body yearned and twitched for more. The feeling of sadness and hurt mixed with lust was almost painful. He needed Isak to fuck him. He needed to feel him close, to be filled up, to forget everything but what happened between them.

 “Isak… please…”

 "What do you need, Even?" Isak studied his face, almost looking concerned. His touches were slowly getting lighter again. Even shuddered, and moaned. This was going to drive him insane.

 “Isak… I need…”

Isak was still kneeling between Even’s legs, slowly and firmly stroking his own cock as he watched Even squirm under his feathering fingertips. "Tell me!" he groaned, the simmering heat behind his eyes flaring up for an instant.

"Fuck me!" Even blurted out, "Jesus, Isak... I need it. Fuck me. I want you, Please!"

Isak stopped stroking himself, found a condom that he put on and lubed up. "I'll be gentle, I promise," he said, kissing Even on the cheek. Even dug his fingernails into his shoulder blades as he pulled Isak closer. "Don't be, _baby_ " he whispered, biting his ear.

"Please," he added.

Something shifted in Isak`s eyes. For a moment, Even thought he saw something vulnerable and raw flicker through his eyes. But then it was over.

Groaning, Isak lifted Even up and turned him around on his stomach. Positioned him on his arms and knees.

Uh. Oh. Okay.

Even would have loved to hold Isak close and look him in his eyes (he had missed that so fucking much), but this was good, too. More than good. Even loved how he could get Isak deep inside when he was on his four like this.

He kind of loved how Isak was being bossy at the moment, too.

Isak leaned over Even and placed his one hand around Even’s throat, choking him lightly while his lube coated fingers on his other hand slid inside of him. _Fuck_. Even moaned, and grabbed the sheets, feeling lightheaded by both the sudden intrusion and the momentary lack of air. Isak`s fingers rubbed against his prostate, making his legs tremble.

Isak’s hand released Even’s throat then, but the force of his fingers thrusting into Even rendered him breathless at precisely the moment he would have taken in a breath of air. Even gasped, and moved against Isak’s strong fingers.

Isak started to position himself at his back. He didn't prep Even that long, but that was alright. Right now, Even wanted to feel it all, even the pain. It was like he needed it, to numb the hurt and the sadness. Even felt Isak’s slick cock pressing against his entrance. Then he pushed. With one slow, powerful thrust he was inside of Even. Even was in agony. He was in heaven. "Fuck!" Even groaned when Isak had completely sheathed himself inside of him. The feeling was exquisite: the complete fullness, the blinding pain and the absolute pleasure.

Isak held still, licking and nipping at Even’s neck, kissing along his shoulders, both hands tightly clinging to his hips. Even started rotating his hips around him, "Isak," he grunted, "move, Isak."

And move he did. Isak began pulling out of Even, and slowly pushed himself back in, his dick dragging across Even’s prostate as his hips moved in leisurely, smooth ellipses. All Even could find himself able to do was groan his name, "Isak!" he moaned, "Isak, please!"

"Tell me, baby," Isak said, in a shaking voice, sounding like he was squeezing the words through his gritted teeth.

"More... Ohhh, Isak... Harder!"

His hand on Even’s hip, Isak pulled him forward as he drew back. A slight pause occurred, with just the head of his cock remaining in his ass. That's when Isak pulled him towards him, thrusting his hips forward to meet him halfway. They met like a freight train collision. Even groaned something unintelligible, his eyes shutting as Isak fucked him harder. Even was moaning loudly and prayed that the other guests were still carrying on outside and couldn't hear him as he begged and pleaded and moaned Isak’s name.

At one point Isak covered his mouth, probably to quiet him, and Even let out a strangled moan. Isak had accidentally covered both Even’s mouth and nose, and closed off his air again, and… and it was hot. The lack of air, or more the threat of losing it, made his mind go blank. This was everything that mattered right now. Isak holding him, restricting him and pumping into him. Even grunted a muffled sound behind Isak`s hand, and moved, and groaned.

Finally, Isak relented, grabbing Even’s hair and pulling his head back, licking and biting his neck. Immediately Even began taking in large gulps of cool air, the sudden rush of oxygen making him even more lightheaded as Isak marked his flesh.

 _Fuck, Isak_. Between his slurred curses and the pleasure that was keeping him teetering on the edge of orgasm, all Even could think about was the man above him. Isak, Isak, Isak. The man he had loved and missed for such a long time. Isak. The warmth of his body as he held him down. Isak. The words that slipped past his mouth. 'Beautiful,' 'mine,' 'need you.' Isak. The lean muscles of his body, his strong soft hands holding on to him for dear life. Isak, Isak, _Isak_.

And that was exactly what Even was thinking when he came. It was shocking and sudden as a lightning strike. "Isak!" he groaned. He didn't care who heard him that time, as he shot stream after stream of cum into the sheets.

 

**ISAK**

_April 2019 (Now)_

Markus was pissed off.

 _Isak_. Isak was pissed off. Markus was having the time of his life, fucking Even, while Isak was pissed off. Frustrated (name your feeling, his therapist would have said, so fuck it, he was sad, too, and horny, of course).

Isak shut his eyes. How fucked up was this, to separate himself into two different beings? Right now, he didn`t care.

He had thought he could forget his old life, and start a new one, but here Even was, all over again, fucking up everything. Even was here, with his fucking blue eyes, fucking shining smile and fucking long legs, and it was impossible to keep it all at a distance.

The frustration fueled him as he fucked Even. Made it all easier, somehow. He loved to see Even so wrecked and beautiful in his arms. It hurt, but in a good way.

Even’s eyes became too much, though. Too overwhelming. Something in Even`s eyes made Isak recall how sweet they once used to be to each other. And for a moment it was like he saw some of the same fondness in Even`s eyes like that he had before, and… Isak had to turn Even around. Push him down and fuck him from behind. Choke him. Hide the tears that formed in his own eyes.

However, Even still called him Isak. “Isak, Isak, Isak”. Even still moved like he used to. Sounded like he used to. It drove Isak mad. It broke his heart in thousand pieces. But he loved it at the same time. He had wanted to keep Even at a distance, to be Markus, to keep the feelings away, but he couldn't.

_Fuck, I love you, Even. I love you so much._

When Even came, it was like a wave rushing over Isak. He knew he couldn't escape this. Even was back. Now Isak couldn't forget how Even broke him. How he said. “this doesn't work anymore”, “we should take a break” and “we're not good for each other”. Fuck. He had known that they struggled, but it wasn't that bad. Was it?

And Isak had tried to fight for them, he really did.

But when he saw Even whispering something in a guy's ear, and he had his hand in Even's lap, Isak knew Even had moved on. They had shouted at each other then. And Isak raised his hand. That was the breaking point. Isak knew he had some anger issues, but he had never ever thought he would threaten to hurt Even like that. Not Even.

He knew that Even was right then. They couldn't continue like this. He told Even so in a text, hoping that they could just call it a break, think for a while and get back together.

But Even never answered.

Isak had cried for days. Weeks. But then his sister reminded him of the holiday they were going on, and he knew he had to do _something_. So he moved out from the apartment, and sent Even a text about it. Even should stay there. He was the one, planning to stay in Oslo.

Isak thought everything would be better in August, when he was about to move to Trondheim. He didn't feel better, though. And he felt this need to become someone else. To start all over.

Even had always raved about Isak`s adorable golden locks. So Isak shaved his hair to a buzzcut. Coloured it darker. Even had always teased him lovingly about his laziness. So he started to work out. Even had always said he was cute in his snapbacks. So he threw them all away. He didn't want to be cute, adorable or lazy anymore. He didn't want to be weak, or easy to hurt.  

The name change was a strange coincidence. When he called his new roommate in Trondheim, and the other asked for his name, he panicked and lied. “Markus”, he said. “Markus Simensen”. And that was it.

So he was Markus Simensen. A new young man, in a new town. Living a new life. He had been determined to make it work. Of course, in all the papers he still was Isak Valtersen. But after giving the teachers at university a sob story about someone stalking him, they agreed to let him use this other name. It was brilliant. He could start over.

Life as Markus had been easier. He was a little bit more cocky, a little bit more sarcastic, a little bit tougher. He worked out and got stronger. He was openly gay and flirted easily. He didn't care what people said at all. As Markus, he was proud of his body and proud of his abilities, and he knew he looked sexy, and he enjoyed being stared at. Simply put, he was hot and smart, and he knew it.

He had gotten an offer to fuck a guy or two, and he imagined that Markus gladly would have enjoyed making them submissive and pliant, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Not yet. He told himself he was too busy studying and working out, to be fucking around. He never kissed anyone either. He flirted a lot, but he never let anyone’s lips touch his.

If there was one thing he understood from that hopelessly sappy Pretty Woman movie, it was that wish not to kiss anyone, like a protection, to keep the feelings at bay.

He told himself it wasn't because he thought he never would kiss anyone like Even again, though. It was just because he was a guy that didn't kiss. Period. He just kept himself safe. Kissing was for others, not him.  

So when Even turned up, and after his initial internal freakout, he knew some things. He was Markus now. He couldn't let Even break his heart again. He couldn't break Even’s heart, either. He had to fuck Even, though (he just had to, he needed it, just like air). And he knew he could never ever kiss him.

So they fucked, and they didn't kiss, but in the end, it didn't matter. A part of Isak probably knew that it didn't all along. Whether he kissed Even or not, whether he called himself Isak or Markus, Even would always make his heartache.

Isak wanted to keep fucking Even after Even came. He wanted to push inside of him, again and again, until his mind went blank and he could finish. Even still moved against him, too, like he invited him to continue.

Isak just couldn`t. His speed and intensity slowed as he came to rest on top of Even, still inside him. He was still rock hard, but his chest ached and his hands trembled and tears were pouring down his face. He just couldn't continue.

Isak rolled them over on the side, still being inside of Even, wrapped his arm around Even and pulled him close, hid his tears behind Even's back.

“Isak,” Even panted. “Isak, what's wrong?” He slowly and carefully pulled away from Isak, so that Isak slid out of him. He turned around and watched him, with wonder in his eyes. “Isak, baby, are you okay?”

Isak said nothing. He only shook, incapable of saying anything. The sadness and hurt was too overwhelming.

Even gently pushed him on his back, then, and straddled over him. He had a caring, but determined look in his face. “I am going to kiss you now, Isak,” he said. “If you still don`t want me to, you will have to say so. Okay?” He talked slowly like he wanted to be sure that his words sunk into Isak's fogged brain.

 _Even's kisses, Even's lips_. Isak wanted that. He wanted it so badly. When Even hovered over him, he tilted his head up, asking for it, and Even saw it, and Even answered. He leaned closer, and met Isak`s lips with his own.

“Now I am going to help you out, Isak” Even said then. His dark voice was so, so sweet. “I am going to straddle you and make love to you until you are ready to come. I'm going to kiss you and look at you because you're so beautiful, and I love you, baby, Is that okay?”

Isak's breath hitched, but he nodded. He felt another tear fall from his eyes but felt calmer. Even was here. Even was going to take care of him.

Even let himself sink over him, and Isak's dick sunk in the whole way. The tightness was overwhelming. Isak wanted to stroke Even to make him feel good, but Even just held his hands in his and smiled. “Relax, baby, you don't have to do anything right now, just focus on this feeling, okay?”

So Isak did. He focused on the feeling as Even kissed all his tears away, and moved over him, always looking him in the eyes, and it was like Even showered him with love. His eyes shone with fondness, his lips tasted like love, his hands held him with care and his body made love to him.

It didn't take long before it all overwhelmed him. Isak’s movements became short and erratic as he thrusted up towards Even, burying his face in Even’s neck once again. "Even," he growled into his ear. _I love you_ , he thought. “Mine.” he said. His cock spasmed as he continued to thrust up into Even. They were so close, and so intimate, it should scare the shit out of him. Somehow, it didn`t.

 

_June 2018 (Then)_

Isak had just turned 19 when his heart was truly broken. They celebrated his birthday party at Jonas’ house, since their flat was too small and the weather was shit. Isak and Even came together.

Jonas’ house was full of people milling around, eating, drinking, and being merry. Isak wandered off to put their beer in the fridge as Even went to talk to one of his friends. Isak put the beer away, opened one of them and took a good sip. Things were good. Jonas came then, hugged him and congratulated him. Isak grinned and thanked him for the party. They chatted a little, and Isak realized that he was happy. 19 years old. He had good friends and a boyfriend who he loved more than anything. Sure, they’d had a rough time lately, but they still had each other. It was just a little stress, and worry about having a long distance relationship. It was going to get better. He promised himself to try to stress less and not worry too much.

However, as he returned to the living room with his beer and another beer for Even, his breath was caught in his throat. Even was sitting close to a guy, who looked a little drunk. Even leaned into the guy, stared into his eyes, and his hand was in Even’s crotch. Even held his wrist. What the fuck?

Isak’s heart beat like a hammer in his chest. What the fuck was this? Was Even flirting with that guy? Suddenly it was like he was back at that party, where Sonja and Even kissed, all that time ago. Isak’s hands were shaking, as he held the beers. He was scared and furious. Had everything become so bad between them, that Even wanted something new? But everything was sort of fine just a moment ago? How could Even do something like this on his birthday?

Even met his eyes, and froze. His eyes looked worried.

Isak walked towards them, sat down the beers on the coffee table and grabbed Even by the arm, pulling him up. Isak smiled curtly at the guy and spoke in a voice void of emotion, "I'm afraid we must be leaving now."

Even stared at him, suddenly looking irritated. “What? It’s your birthday party, Isak!”

“Well, then I get to decide when to leave”.

The sentence reminded Isak how they left his last birthday party, all fired up because of the movie Even had made him, and the memory made his heart burn. Fuck, what a difference one year can make. Isak dragged Even out the front door.

Even was fuming with anger, but he hid it well. “Alright, alright, I don’t know what’s your deal, Isak, but shouldn't we tell Jonas?”

“Can tell him later.”

When they got on the tram, Even was furious with him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" he whispered.

Isak shivered with anger and hurt. "I'd like to ask you the very same. But I don't want to hear it right now. We're going home."

Even stared out of the window. Isak stared straight ahead, trying to calm down. But he was hurt, and scared, and the anger just wouldn't let go. Even was flirting pretty heavily with that dude. He had his hand in Even's lap, for god’s sake! How could Even play along with that? At his fucking birthday party!

When they arrived at the apartment and Isak shut the door behind them, the shit hit the fan.

"So. Were you going to fuck him?" Isak spoke in a menacing tone. Tried to make his voice dripping with malice.

Even stared at him like he was mad. “What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“He had his hands all over you, and you did nothing to stop him! So, were you going to? Do you want to get out that bad?”

“We spilt a drink, Isak!”

“Bullshit.” Isak couldn't believe it. “We wouldn't even have this talk if you weren't such a fucking flirt!”

Even stared at him like he had called him a slut. And Isak regretted it at once. Even charmed everybody, yeah, but he had never crossed the line.

“Maybe I wouldn't have to flirt with others if you'd give me a reason to stick with you.” Even’s voice was low and steady.

 _Fuck_ , that hurt. Isak could hardly believe that Even meant it. The cold and angry look in his eyes, could mean that he did. It suddenly hit him. Even didn't love him anymore. Isak wanted to shout and beg, but suddenly nothing mattered. Even didn't love him anymore. It was over. It hurt so much, and he didn't know what to do with all the hurt, and all the anger.

“You just treat me like shit and nag all the time, Isak.”

Isak couldn't believe it. Did Even just call him controlling, just like fucking Sonja? What the fuck? He always tried his best not to be like that!

“Are you trying to tell me that I'm controlling you now?” he asked, with ice in his voice.

Something uneasy flickered in Even`s eyes, but he pushed his chin out. “Well, you are”.

The anger rushed over Isak as a tidal wave. It was like he couldn't see Even at all anymore. “Asshole”, Isak spat as he raised his hand.

Even widened his eyes and stared at him. Isak stared back at Even, at his shocked eyes, that he shut close, like he was in pain.

_No no no no no._

Isak’s hand dropped to his side. He felt like a monster. Even if he didn’t slap or push Even, he had raised his hand. How could he do this? Isak knew he had anger issues, but this was so _wrong_ . He thought that he never would hurt Even, and now he did this? Raised his hand, like he was about to hit? God knew what he could do next. What if he ended up hurting Even? He _was_ a monster. No wonder Even couldn't love him anymore. Isak only watched as Even turned around, left and slammed the door behind him.

Isak knew two things, as the noise echoed through the apartment. He had lost Even (he had to let him go, to keep him safe), and he had to change.

 

_April 2019 (Now)_

Isak woke up the next day feeling content and well rested, for the first time in months. In a year, maybe. Even was a warm oven next to him, curled up into his arms. Isak pulled him even closer, and enjoyed the scent and the feeling of him. He wasn't surprised that sharing the bed with Even had helped him sleep.

After the breakup, he had struggled with sleeplessness for weeks. Becoming Markus had actually helped him sleep a little better, because he worked out, studied and partied all the time, leaving almost no time to worry. The workout probably helped him with some stress, too. Well, that and the therapist. _Isak_ would never have contacted psychological help, of course. However, Markus had no problem with doing that. As he moved to Trondheim, he knew that he had to learn to control his anger. So he got himself a therapist and made his dad pay for it. It felt right, somehow. Poetic, even. After all, he suspected that his distant father and his sometimes scary mother had something to do with the pent up rage inside of him.

As it turned out, he was partly right. His therapist told him that whoever was to blame, he still had to do the work to get better by himself. Blaming his parent wouldn't be very helpful. And well, that sounded reasonable, so Isak accepted that.

He worked with his emotions, put a name to them, talked about them and learned to control them. The most positive thing Markus had given him, was a more stable temper.

Isak turned his head, and watched Even carefully. His looked so relaxed and innocent in his sleep. His soft hair was a mess, but his eyelashes were adorable and his lips tempting. Isak couldn't quite believe that Even was here, sleeping quietly beside him.

This was just fucking, though, Isak reminded himself. Something temporary. No strings. Nothing more. Was it? He still had to admit that he had let his feelings take over yesterday. So, he allowed himself to watch Even for a moment. And he allowed himself to let his feelings simmer in the back of his mind. He tucked the duvet carefully around Even.

“Isak”.

Even`s wide, blue eyes stared at him. Isak swallowed.

“Hi”.

Even sighed, and looked relieved. “Fuck, I was afraid you would go on with that Markus crap. What was that, Isak?”

Isak shrugged. “I just needed to be someone else for a while,” he said. “To start over”.

Even nodded, like he could understand that. “Well, fuck, you went all in. Ever thought about doing method acting or something?”

Isak smiled a careful smile. “No”. It felt strange to allow himself to just be himself. Even made it easier, though. Even reminded him of who he was.

Even stroke his hand through Isak’s stubbles on his head. His blue eyes shone, just like they used to. “You look good like this, you know.”

Isak felt hot in his head. “You don’t miss my curls, then?” No matter how confident he had become, he still felt uncertain about what Even thought of him. He knew that Even had loved his locks. Isak tried to hold back his uncertainty, but he didn't let Markus cover it up with a joke or anything else.

Even smiled. “You are still you. I loved those golden locks, but they’re not you.”

Isak swallowed, there was a sincerity in Even’s voice that made it difficult to talk. He let his fingers tangle into Even’s hair. _So soft_. “It`s so good to see you again,” he allowed himself to say.

Even swallowed. “Yeah, it's good to see you, too.”

Isak couldn't take his hand away from Even`s hair. “We got a bit carried away yesterday, huh?”

“Yeah.” Even smiled. He shut his eyes and let out a short laugh. “Fuck, Yousef and Elias must wonder what’s going on.”

Isak laughed. “I don’t think so. I think they know exactly what’s going on.”

When Even looked at him again, even his eyes smiled. “You’re probably right.”

Isak nodded. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered, now that he had Even with him again. He let his fingers trail Even’s eyebrows and cheek. That familiar path. God, he had missed this.

”Can I kiss you?” Even asked then.

Isak didn`t know anything right now, he didn`t know what he and Even were, or what their future would be, but he knew this. He wanted Even to kiss him.

"Please," Isak could barely breathe when he felt the soft and firm lips against his own. The kiss was slow and tender. Even licked at his lips, stroke his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth. Soft whimpers escaped from them both.

It was so good, and Isak wanted this so much. As he clung to Even he knew they should talk. However, he was afraid about what the talk would result in (maybe Even didn`t want more after all?). He wanted this. Now. The talk would have to wait. So they kissed, and they clung to each other, and everything was about the now.

There was a frantic moment, a moment when Isak couldn't wait, a moment when the fear of getting what he wanted again, or not getting what he wanted, made him try to pull Even closer and on top of him, without breaking the kiss. However, since he was on the end of the bed, he managed to pull them both around so they rolled on the floor. Luckily, the duvet had fallen to the floor before them, so the fall didn't hurt much. They groaned when they hit the floor and laughed a little, before they kissed some more. Isak still moaned helplessly as he was forced to break when they got back into bed.

It was obvious now that Isak`s dick was thick and hard. The breath caught in Even's throat, his eyes hooding with need, and he licked his lips, making Isak tremble with anticipation. He had seen that look before. And, ah, yesss…. Leaning forward Even licked slowly over the leaking head of his straining member and Isak tossed his head, giving a low groan of want. His hands, which had been limp at his sides up until this point moved up to curl into that long hair of Even's, pulling him forward, urging him on.

And go on Even certainly did. The touch of fingers in his hair sent him whimpering as he began to slide Isak down his throat. The way his tongue worked the underside of Isak`s shaft sent shivers running down his spine. The way his hands slid to grip his rear, the way his fingernails bit into Isak's flesh. Everything was intense and amazing.

It took no time at all to have Isak squirming and writhing, his knees beginning to go out from under him, his head shaking frantically. "Oh god, god, no Even, don't make me come already, no," he moaned, fingers giving little yanks on Even's hair, and finally having to pull the other man off of him physically when he refused to stop.

Even grinned up at him, his messy hair almost covering his eyes. “We can be quick this time, Isak. We need to get up soon and get some breakfast. I'll take care of you, baby.”

Quick. Oh God, he could do that. Isak nodded, his heart pounding in his chest and his breath catching as Even sucked his dick. “Okay… And... I'll take care of you,” he breathed.

Even hummed around his dick. Isak felt he was on fire, and knew he couldn't last long. As Even sucked him, he grabbed Isak’s balls and squeezed. Isak felt his orgasm starting to build.

“Uh… I’m gonna come,” he pleaded.

Even kept on sucking him, taking him deeper and faster as he did. Of course, Isak ended up loading into his mouth.

Even resumed his trek, licking his way up the rest of Isak’s body. Isak tingled from head to toe. Then, Even planted his mouth on his. He took Isak’s breath away, plunging his tongue into his mouth.

“My turn,” Isak panted, into Even`s lips.

“Yeah?” Even asked, in shaking voice.

Isak just grinned at Even, leaning in to brush another kiss over his lips before pressing him back against the bed and shifting so that he could more easily lean down, lightly nuzzling against that hard shaft. Isak's mouth slid around the head of Even's cock. This was so familiar and so new at the same time. Isak`s mind couldn't quite grasp it. He loved it, though.

Isak glanced up at Even, who watched him with glassy eyes, and blushed hotly. He swirled his tongue around the head within his mouth, the taste coating his tongue, salty and intense, clinging to his tongue. Even's sounds began to echo throughout the room. First soft moans, gasps and whimpers, then slowly growing louder. He seemed to try to keep his hips still, but after a little while, they started to rock, unable to remain still any longer.

"Oh god, Isak..." Even whimpered out, the fingers of one hand curling into his hair and holding his head in place. Isak redoubled his efforts, the sounds Even made was like music to his ears, spurning him on and letting him know what he was doing was pleasing Even.

Even came hard, and Isak gagged on his cum, and some ran out of his mouth. He giggled a little, feeling lightheaded and breathless. He fell down on the bed next to Even.

“Okay, I guess we managed quick”.

Even smiled back at him, and exhaled deeply. “Yeah”. They lay side by side, but he turned towards Isak, leaned closer and kissed him. Isak hungrily kissed back. They kissed and kissed and kissed some more.

“Breakfast”, Even muttered, after a while.

Isak smiled. “You're really hungry, aren't you?”

“Yeah. Ravished. We even missed the dinner yesterday!”

“Priorities, you know,” Isak grinned.

Even looked at him with a long look. “Yeah.”

Isak sighed. “So. Shouldn't we… talk about things?”

“Definitely,” Even smiled. “After breakfast?”

Okay, yeah, that could work.

“Yeah”, Isak said.

And that was it. They should talk later. Isak tried to tell himself to calm down. Take it step by step. They would figure this out. Probably.

But as he got out of bed he started to dread the thought of the breakfast, and he hoped that Yousef and Elias were long gone. Because, how could he explain this? Or define it?

And what about Markus? What would the other guests here (and the guys from Uni) think about the fact that he suddenly changed his name? Could he be Markus for a little longer?

Just as Even was about to go into the shower, Isak stopped him. “I.. uh, do you think you could call me Markus when we're with the other guests? I am going to change back, I just… think it will be easier when I'm back at Uni.”

Even stared at him. “So Elias and Yousef should call you Markus also, then.”

“Yeah, if they're fine with that.”

Even smiled then. “No worries, Isak.” He went into the shower.

No worries. Right.

Isak tried not to worry so much, he really did. He tried not to worry in the shower, and he tried not to worry as he dressed. He tried not to worry as he and Even went out into the common room to eat. But then it hit him hard.

When they came into the common room, Isak was glad to notice that his buddies from Uni weren`t there. However, Yousef and Elias sat at the huge table, staring at them. Grinning. Luckily, they weren't too loud about it.

“So, what's going on?” Elias asked. “Are you two back together?”

Even sat down next to him. “Is... Markus and I are just figuring things out,” he said.

“Markus?” Yousef asked, and looked at Isak.

Isak nodded.

“Just call him what he wants to be called, yeah?” Even said.

The boys nodded, like that was totally normal. Isak felt stupid, but he still was relieved. He wasn't ready to let Markus go just yet.

“Thanks, guys,” he said.

“Well, at least you act more like yourself,” Elias smiled. “Good to see you again.”

“Good to see you too,” Isak said, as he put food on his plate. It really was. To be with Even and his buddies again felt familiar, and good, and it reminded him of his old life. He realized that he had missed it a lot. He still missed it.

“So. Figuring things out looks good on you both,” Yousef said then, grinning.

“What?” Even asked.

“Yeah!” Elias said, and bumped Yousef`s shoulder. His eyes were sparkling with humour. “You both look like you're glowing”.

Isak groaned. “Oh, for fuck`s sake.”

“Well, it`s true,” Yousef laughed.

They all laughed. Or at least Yousef and Elias did. And Even grinned. And that was it. They all ate, chatted and laughed, and Isak felt lighter than he had in a long, long time. He had missed this, and he still missed Jonas and the others. But this was good, this was really good.

What if he could have this again? What if he could be with Even, somehow? But was he ready to try something like that? Was he ready to risk his heart again? And what was Even ready and willing to do? Isak desperately needed to talk to Even.

He thought that they would be able to talk after breakfast, but then Yousef and Elias pulled them along to do some skiing. Isak was reluctant at first, but it was sunny, and the slopes were good, and he started to enjoy himself. Isak had never been a master at slalom but Even had taught him quite a bit last year. He was glad that Even still came up to him and gave him pointers and help. It made him feel cared for. He liked that.

Isak was uncertain about whether they could kiss or not, so he mostly stayed friendly. Or he tried to. The fact that Even was here, so close, made him electric with want and need. He patted Even on the shoulder and bumped into him, but that was it. He hoped that they wouldn't be skiing all day, because he desperately wanted to have Even close again.

He had to wait, though. None of the boys seemed interested in quitting any time soon. Isak decided to focus on the skiing and realized that he was so glad that they were here. To be honest, he had a lot more fun than he had with his buddies from Uni. He wondered why they`d travelled all the way from Oslo, though.

As they had a little pause in the sun, leaning on their ski poles, he asked Even:

“So what brought you guys up here to Oppdal? It`s a long way from Oslo?”

Even laughed. “Yeah. Well, don't ask me. I think we were talking about a ski holiday and Sana helped us find this place.”

Sana. Isak had to laugh, too. He had told Sana several weeks ago, that he was going here this holiday. Naturally, she couldn`t miss a chance like that, to try to matchmake them (he was pretty sure it wasn't the first time, to be honest).

“I think Sana might have done that on purpose,” he said. “Maybe she's trying to get us back together, or something”.

Even looked surprised, but then he smiled. “Well, I'm glad she did,” he said. He leaned closer, brushed Isak`s cheek with his thumb and kissed him lightly on his lips. Then he raised his eyebrows, before he continued skiing, and left Isak with a racing heart and shaking breath.

Isak watched Even`s back as he went down the slope, and his heart ached. He wanted Even back so badly. If he got to have this now, and it would be ripped from him again, he didn't know how he would handle it.

 

_June 2018 (Then)_

“Fuck, Isak, you can’t just lock yourself in like this?” Jonas’ voice was tired. “What happened between you two? I talked to Even, and he's just as vague as you. Well, almost.”

Jonas was helping him carry his things out of the flat. A couple of boxes with clothes and books. It was depressing how little it was, really.

“You talked to Even?” Isak asked, as he gave the flat a last glance, and shut the door. The last thing he saw was the present from Even, that he never got to open. ’Til Isak fra Even. Elsker deg, baby’. Isak had probably read that tag a thousand times. He never managed to open it.

Enough. Isak locked the door, turned around and picked up his box again. “When did you talk to him?”

Jonas looked at him closely. “A while back. I was desperate, Isak. You didn't say a word, and... I didn't know how to help.”

“You don’t have to help me, Jonas. I’ll be fine.”

He really was, he said to himself. He was finished crying, finished wishing and hoping. Even wasn`t part of his life anymore, and that was that. He shouldn't be curious about what Even had to say about him. He still was, though.

“So... what did he say?” He hoped that he didn't sound so desperate that he felt.

Jonas paused for a moment, as they walked down the stairs. “He said that you both had a rough time, and that he wanted you to be happy.”

 _Fuck_  Well, good luck with that. Isak almost wanted to laugh. “Shit, you’re right”, he said instead. “That was vague.”

Jonas nodded. He watched in silence as Isak put the key to the flat into their mailbox.

“So. What happens now, then?” he asked, as they came out and put the last boxes into Jonas’ car.

Isak sighed. “I’m moving out of the flat, then I’m going on that cabin trip and after that, I’ll just move to Trondheim, I guess. I can move into the flat in July.”

“Jeez. You’re going to be away for the whole of July?”

“Yeah.”

Jonas shook his head, like in disbelief, but Isak was certain it was the right thing to do. Actually, he almost looked forward to it. He could begin his change, then.

 

_April 2019 (Now)_

“Can I ask you about something?” Even asked, as his fingers stroked Isak’s temple.

They had returned to Isak’s room and were sitting in Isak`s bed. Isak was slowly and silently freaking out inside. What was this? What were they? He still had no clue. So, when Even had a question too, that was almost a relief.

“Sure,” he said.

Even’s eyes were wide and so, so blue. “Was Markus about erasing me out of your life, or something?”

Isak gasped. “No. Never.” He cupped Even’s face with both hands. Held his blue gaze. “It was just easier to change, and be someone else for a while.”

Even swallowed. “You almost fooled me. Almost.”

Isak had to smile a little, as he let his hands fall to his lap.

Even let out a sigh. “So, no strings attached?” he asked. “No feelings? Is that still the deal?”

Isak shrugged. “I don’t know?”

He really didn’t. He had planned to be Markus, to keep the feelings away and not kiss Even. He had failed in all of his plans. He had felt everything, and cried, and let it all in (and a part of him was a little ashamed, but for the most part, he didn’t care anymore, Even would never think less of him because of that). Isak couldn't really say he regretted any of it. But was he ready for more? Was he ready to risk his heart again?

Even looked at him, and it was almost like he saw Isak’s thoughts. He looked sad. “I'm sorry, Isak. For everything. When I said that it didn't work, I only wanted to take a little break, to think about things, and figure out how we could be good for each other again. But then you sort of… broke up with me for real.”

Isak almost couldn’t breathe. “I didn't.”

Even looked hurt. “You said that you agreed that we weren't working anymore. And then you just moved away.”

Isak sighed. “Yeah, I'm sorry, I.... When I sent you that text I thought we could talk about it. But you never answered me.”

“Well, I thought…” Even looked at his hands. “I thought you would fight for us. You were always the one who said we should take one day at the time, you know.”

“Yeah”. Isak swallowed. “I just couldn't fight anymore, Even. We argued all the time, and then you were all over that guy. I thought you were moving on.”

“Well, I wasn't, and I wasn`t all over that guy, either”.

Isak knew that Even was telling the truth. He nodded. Then he hesitated for a moment. There was one thing that he knew he needed to ask. “You said I didn't give you anything to stay for. That I was too controlling.”

Even looked uncomfortable. “I lied. You hurt me, Isak, and I wanted to hurt you back.”

Isak nodded. He knew that feeling. “I get that.”

“I don't buy it, though.” Even said, after a little while.

“You don’t buy what?”

“That you stopped fighting just because we argued and fought all the time.”

Isak shut his eyes. Time to be honest. “I was scared”, he admitted. “My anger was so overwhelming. I was afraid I might hurt you. I didn’t want to hurt you, Even. I thought you were better off without me.”

Silence.

He opened his eyes and met Even’s blue stare. Even had a stubborn look at his face. “Well, fuck that, Isak,” he said. “Neither you nor I know how this ends, remember?”

Isak swallowed. Oh yeah, he remembered. “I'm sorry I got so angry at you, Even. I am working with that anger thing, you know. It helps to work out, too, and I have a psychologist to talk to.”

Even smiled a little smile. “That's good.”

“Yeah.”

“My therapist has fixed my meds, now,” Even said. “They work better, so my mood is better, too.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.” Even looked closely at him. “What does your psychologist say about you changing your name and personality, then? That can't possibly be very healthy?”

There was teasing in his voice, but something serious, too. Isak felt hot in his head. “Eh.. I haven't told her all about that,” he admitted. “At least not the details. But I haven't _changed_ my personality, really. I have just acted a little different.”

Even laughed. “You are like a totally different guy, Isak. You flirt and talk with everyone and act all tough and bossy.”

Isak had to smile a little. “Well, most of it is an act. I have always liked to be social, but with my closest friends. When I was Markus, it was just easier. And haven't I always been bossy?”

Even smiled widely. “Yeah, a little demanding, maybe.” He wrinkled his eyebrows. “But what about the dominating in bed thing, then?”

Isak shrugged. “It's not like we never did that before? It just felt natural when I was Markus. And I was kind of pissed at you. Or, not pissed. Frustrated. And I just wanted to stay in control.”

“You didn't want to kiss me.”

“No.”

“But in the end you allowed me to kiss you, anyway.”

“I did.”

_And it broke my heart and healed it at the same time._

They sat in silence for a moment.

Isak stole another glance of Even. “So… You never did anything strange like making a new persona or anything, then?”

It was a terrible attempt to lighten the mood, at the same time as he needed desperately to know. Had Even struggled at all? Had he missed him?

Even smiled a half smile. “Nah, my thing is to mope around and get obsessed by my movies and shit.” He looked closer at Isak, and his eyes looked sad. “It was horrible when you left, Isak. I thought that I wouldn't survive. If I could have become someone else, I would have.”

Isak held his breath. “I don't want to be hurt like that again,” he said. “I thought that being Markus and acting tough and not kissing you could protect me.”

“I get it. I don't want to be hurt like that again either.”

Isak sighed. “I just can't forget you, Even.”

“And I can't forget you.”

Isak swallowed and swallowed, trying to be brave. “Could we try this long distance thing anyway? We could make it work, if we don't give up that easily?”

Even nodded. “And if we talk. We need to keep talking.”

“Yeah.”  

“I thought I was losing you." Even said.

"You thought wrong," was all Isak said. He knew they probably needed to talk more, but he didn't want to talk anymore just now. He pulled Even`s mouth towards his in a searing kiss. The sensation of his soft lips and tongue made him shiver. How could he deprive himself of this for so long?

“I love you so much, Even," Isak mumbled against his lips.

Even’s eyes lit up. He still had a daring look on his face, and he pushed Isak’s shoulders back. "Don't tell me. Show me," he said, the corner of his mouth turning up. Isak’s stomach plummeted. He began to remove Even`s clothes, and his own, while he kissed him deeply.

Isak kissed Even again and again. Drove his hands through Even’s soft hair. "Take me," he whispered, kissing his cheek. “Kiss me and look into my eyes.”

Even kissed at his neck, softly biting at his Adam's apple and moving down to his chest. He gently sucked on each nipple. Even used his tongue to trace slow circles around each nub, enticing a soft gasp from Isak, before he bared down with his teeth, pinching them with his canines. Isak gulped and thrust his hips forward against Even. He was so hard already. Isak could feel Even’s erection against his, too, as he continued to twist and writhe beneath him.

Isak partly wanted Even to fuck him blind up against the wall or something. But this between them meant too much. This was Even, the man he loved, and as he just recently discovered again, the man who loved him back.

The thought was dizzying. He didn't know what awaited them. He knew that they had nine more days together, and then they probably wouldn't see each other before summer. He knew that he wanted to try. That was about it. But right now, the only important thing was to show Even just how much he loved him.

Kissing Even deeply, Isak pushed Even back on the bed. Those sharp blue eyes were staring back up at him, clouded with lust, but still piercing as ever. Isak tangled his fingers into Even’s soft hair and tugged lightly at it as he kissed him.

Even sighed against his lips. “I’ve missed your kisses so much,” he murmured.

“I’ve missed yours, too”, Isak answered, like a whisper.

Even stared into his eyes. “I love you too, you know.”

Isak’s heart raced but he still grinned a little. “Don’t tell me. Show -”

“Oh fuck off,” Even laughed. “You copycat!”

Isak just smiled and laid himself atop him, straddling Even’s hips, his hand finding Even’s cock with magnetic attraction. Isak began to slowly pump him.

Even looked up at him with wide, loving eyes. The fondness in his face made Isak warm all over. Isak kissed him slowly, trying to show just how much he loved him back. Then he got up, retrieving the condom and the small bottle from the side of the bed and seated himself astride Even again.

Isak dressed and slicked Even’s cock and positioned himself just over it. When Even’s cock pushed against his entrance he stared into Even’s eyes. _All that love._ It made him dizzy.

Then he pushed down, letting Even slide up into him. Even squirmed and turned beneath him, pleasure flashing across his face as he called Isak’s name.

Isak moaned. He wanted this so much. Always. He would have nine days. It wasn’t enough.

“I don’t… want you to go back to Oslo,” Isak admitted. “I want you always.”

Even let out a slow breath, as Isak kept moving over him. “I don’t want you to... stay in Trondheim either.” Isak thought he saw the suggestion of tears in Even’s eyes.

They moved slowly together now; Isak lifting himself and sinking over Even, and Even meeting his movements. The feeling was slow, aching and overwhelming.

“We’ll keep in... touch,” Isak suggested, panting, as he trembled by the feeling of Even’s cock inside him. “We’ll make it work. It’ll be easy,” he lied.

“It won’t,” Even answered, wisely, between heavy breaths.

Isak’s dick was pulsing between them, but Isak kept his hand off, as he wanted this to last for a long time. “I know, but… we can make it seem easy.”

Even’s face seemed uncertain. Horny, but uncertain. Isak was sure his face did, too. He sighed, and lowered his mouth to Even’s, and kissing him as deeply and as passionately as he could. Even’s lips were like home. The kiss washed away all Isak’s uncertainty and fortified his resolve. It had taken him forever to get both himself and Even back. There was no way he was going to let Even slip out of his fingers again.

Isak moved over Even and told him. “I didn't know it, Evi, but I have waited a long time to find my way back to myself, and to find my way back to you,” he said. “I can wait some more.”

Even sent him a slow, trembling smile. “Valtersen, that was... sappy.”

Isak had to smile back. “I know.”

He thrust down over Even again, and that was when Even surprised them both, shot his hips up and came, shooting into the condom inside of Isak.

Isak chuckled a little as Even panted and breathed under him. But Even was quick to grab hold of Isak’s dick, and rubbed it until Isak shot all over their stomachs.

Even grinned, as Isak lifted off him, and fell over him, all spent and satisfied. “Okay, then. I can wait, too, you know. As long as it takes”

And that was all Isak managed to think about in that moment. They would spend some time together this Easter, they would wait, they would meet when they could, and they would try to make it work. And that was all that mattered.

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Always both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter: After a rough breakup, Isak took the name Markus, changed his looks and behaviour and moved to Trondheim. At a cabin in Oppdal, Even met this Markus and got very confused. In the end, Isak and Even decided to try a long distance relationship. 
> 
> This chapter: Now Isak and EVen were working out who they were and what they wanted. Would either of them become who they once were again? Did they even want to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have forgotten this fic, it’s a while since I posted the first part, and then I was caught up in the lovely #SkamFicWeek. When I posted the first part I wasn't sure I would write a second one. But it seems I just can’t let this universe go. I have to tell the rest of Isak’s and Even’s story. I have struggled quite a bit writing it, though. Writing endings, and kind of plotless reunion scenes like these, isn't easy for me, apparently. But it has been fun, too, and I hope it still is worth reading. At least it has a lot of good times between the boys, lol.
> 
> My amazing beta and muse for this thing is @coolauntskam, thank you sooo much for helping me! <3
> 
> Warnings? Well... There are time jumps in this fic. Hope it’s not too confusing. There is some playful sexy times between adults. I hope you enjoy it! Please comment to me what you like and what you don’t like. I need the feedback!

**ISAK**

_ April 2019 (Then) _

Isak opened his eyes, taking in the sight of Even on his knees looking up at him with want and lust all over his face, as he was closing his mouth around Isak`s dick. Isak was standing leaned to the wall in his cabin bedroom, but his legs were trembling. He was falling, falling, falling, as he gazed into Even`s blue eyes. He grasped at Even`s hair, and tried to push away the thought that this probably was the last time they would do this in a long time. Isak held Even`s gaze. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to say a word.

Isak and Even had had ten days together in this cabin in Oppdal, in a crossing in the middle of nowhere. Ten days. At first, Isak had been overwhelmed by the possibility to be so close to Even again. After the breakup and all the mourning and longing, the sudden intimacy was almost too much. Then he realized that their time together was limited, and too short. No matter how much time they spent together, and kissed, and fucked, it would be too little.

It was definitely too little. Soon Even was on his way back to Oslo, and Isak would go back to Trondheim. The ache in his chest was almost unbearable.

“What…” Even asked, between breaths and hums, “... are you thinking?”. He sucked at Isak`s dick, but still held his gaze. The sight of him and the feeling of the warmth of his mouth gave Isak a tingling feeling down his spine.

“Truth?” Isak panted, trying to steady himself by resting his trembling hands on Even`s shoulders.

“Yeah.”

“Oh god…  I… I am going to... miss your eyes.” Isak mumbled, but shook his head. “No, fuck, that`s not... I just… love you so much, Even. And I know I`ll miss you.”

Tears stung his eyes, and the pain in his chest spread like a burning fire through his body.

Even leaned back for a moment, with sadness in his eyes. “I love you too, Isak.” He swallowed. “And, you know… I have been looking for you all my life.”

Isak’s heart did a jump, even as he snorted. “Fuck, that’s sappy,” he smiled. He let his thumb stroke over Even’s chin, and over his lip. That familiar, beautiful face. “And how could you know that?”

Even enveloped Isak`s dick again, and laughed his warm, soothing laughter. The laughter resonated through Isak`s body. “Truth?” he asked, as he let his hands glide over Isak’s hips. His breath was still deep and heavy, but not as ragged as before.

Isak nodded.

Even kissed Isak’s hips and his aching dick. “I believe that we have lots of chances at love,” he said. “- but, if we're lucky, we can meet someone that makes us feel whole.” 

Isak sighed and pulled Even up. Let his hands go into the back of Even’s neck, just where his hair curled up. “I know that feeling.”

Even rested his hands on his hips, and stared into his eyes, like he wanted to talk with his eyes, instead of his words. “The first time I saw you,” he said, looking at Isak`s lips, and then his eyes again, “I felt... a longing, a need -”

Isak couldn't resist. He covered Even`s mouth in a breathless kiss. The softness of Even’s lips welcomed Isak and they fell back into their heady desire, mixed with sadness. 

“Hold me, Isak” Even said in a muffled voice, into his lips. “Make me feel whole.”

Isak let out a shaky breath. The logical part of him wanted to say that they should be whole on their own. That nobody should rely on someone else to feel whole. But he still opened his arms and pulled Even close. This wasn't the time to be logical. Even was looking so vulnerable and sad, and Isak wanted to hold his sweet boy, to stroke his hair, kiss his eyes and cheeks and lips, and make all his worries and sadness go away.

Their kisses became more and more demanding. Isak shivered in anticipation of what he knew Even wanted from him. What Even needed. What Isak wanted to give. His last gift to Even for a long time. His parting gift. 

They had done this a lot of times these last ten days, whenever there'd been an opportunity. On the floor of Isak`s room, in Even`s room, when the other boys were out. In the bathroom. Every time with Even had been pure bliss. All the time there's been that knowledge in the back of Isak`s mind that this day was coming. This last night before they leave, a last evening together, and now it was here, and he was naked for Even and Even was here, sad and wanting. 

Even curled into him, slid his arms around Isak`s waist and stuck his nose into his neck. “I just want to wrap you around me like a blanket," Even muttered. They swayed to no music, drowsed in their mixing scents, and pressed together. Isak tightened his embrace as if he wanted their souls to touch, and then Even covered his mouth in another sensual kiss.

Isak ached for him, his body wanted hurry, but his mind refused. He enjoyed the slow rise of their desire, their feathery touches. If this was their last time in several weeks, he was determined to make it take a while.

As they were kissing and swaying, Even started to pull Isak after him, towards the bed. Even lay back on the bed, looking up at Isak with dark eyes. There was something desperate over his want now, something that told Isak that he needed to be taken care of. 

Isak lay down on top of him. “How can I make you feel whole, Even? Isak asked, in a husky voice. “Do you want me to fuck you? Do you want me to fill you up, baby?” For a moment, Isak felt a piece of Markus waking up in him again. He felt strong, confident, ready to do anything to make Even feel good. “You want my cock to fill you up and make you feel whole, don`t you?”

Even nodded, and curled closer to him. His eyes were wide, and his lips parted, like he noticed the shift in Isak, and liked it. Isak’s heart swelled. His sweet boy. It couldn't be wrong to borrow a little strength from Markus, could it? After all, he was going back to be Isak tomorrow.

Isak stroked his hand through Even`s hair. “You need to open up for me, baby,” he said, moved down and pushed Even’s legs up and to the sides. He gave Even a demanding look. “You wanna lie on your back and let me fill you up, don’t you?”

Even nodded again. He looked up at Isak as he spread his legs wider. His blue eyes glossy and his cheeks tinged a rosy pink. Oh God, he was beautiful.

Isak found the lube and made his fingers wet and slippery.  A shiver went through Even as Isak carefully pushed one finger into him. “So good…” he whimpered. He moved his hips to meet Isak`s movements, and gasped every time Isak moved his finger inside him. Isak couldn't take his eyes from him. He was so beautiful. When Even was ready, he let a second finger slip in as well. He crooked his fingers, making Even moan and shiver, his hole clenching around Isak's fingers every time he rubbed against his prostate. “More,” Even groaned. Isak would never say no. Especially not now, when he knew their time together was limited. 

It hurt, it hurt so much but at least they still had this evening, and Isak smiled and he tried to forget as his fingers stroked Even slowly. As he puffed a breath of air across Even`s swollen cockhead, Even`s hips jerked and Isak smiled up to him. Isak continued to prepare Even at the same time as his tongue flickered out, and he licked the tip of Even`s cock delicately. His lips engulfed Even`s cock, his lips slid down Even`s shaft while his tongue run and swirled down the underside of his cock. Isak took as much of Even`s cock into his mouth as he could. Down, until his cockhead touched the back of his mouth, and he took a breath and slid his lips all the way down to the base of his cock. Even groaned and looked like he was about to lose it. He moved feverently against Isak`s fingers in his ass and Isak`s mouth around his dick. 

Isak was starting to get painfully aroused, watching and hearing Even like this. He wanted so badly to fuck him. He knew how amazing it could be to be fucked, to be breached and filled up, and he wanted to give that to Even. He also wanted, to be honest, to sink his dick into this soft tightness he felt around his fingers.

Isak grabbed his condom and covered himself. He lowered himself between Even`s legs and let his dick push lightly against Even`s entrance. Teasing him. When he finally slid in, they both groaned. Isak thrust into Even. Even moved amazingly towards him. Each motion had them both moaning. 

Isak could watch the passion flow over Even`s face. Isak reached forward and took his nipple in his mouth as he gripped his hips. Isak wanted a connection, something more. He sucked Even`s nipple, and Even grunted in pleasure. Isak loved feeling his smooth, warm skin below his mouth and hands. 

He felt Even thicken where he lay against his belly. It felt like he was going to shoot. Isak felt Even clamp him and moan out as the first spurt hit Isak`s chest. Isak felt him clamp him with each rhythmic blast. His orgasm milked Isak, took him by surprise as he tripped over the edge with him. Isak gripped his hips and ground hard into him as he felt the or. They both collapsed on the bed.

Even lay back with his Isak`s head on his chest, breathing slowly. Isak was still lodged inside him. He had never stayed in place before. He liked it. The tenderness and possessiveness he was feeling wasn't new, but it was new  _ now _ . It was so good to have this again, even if it was just for a moment. Isak needed this, and he took what he could get. 

He looked in Even`s eyes. “I wanna stay here forever.” Even didn`t say anything. For a moment their breaths were the only sounds in the room. “What time is it?” Even asked. 

“Soon midnight.” 

“Fuck. We gotta go.”

“I know.” Isak pulled himself out and up. It was almost painful to untangle himself from Even.  He couldn't bear to leave Even or let him leave, but he knew he had to. He knew they had to go and the tears stung in his eyes. Even kissed his forehead, stroked his hair and held him. “It`s alright. I got you. Come on, let`s go wash up and get ready.”

So they did. 

They got dressed, packed up and drove in silence to the train station, together with Yousef and Elias. The other boys were usually good spirited, but Isak`s and Even`s mood seemed to rub off on them, too.

When they arrived at the train station, Yousef and Elias quickly said goodbye to Isak, hugged him and patted him on his back, before they got on the train. Isak and Even stood at the platform, surrounded by their luggage and skis, holding each other. 

“Kiss me”, Isak said. His voice was low, and shaky, just like he felt. “You have to get on that train soon.”

So Even kissed him. “I don't want to go,” he said.

“I know. But you have to.” Isak sighed. “ And I have to go, too.”

Even leaned his forehead against his, holding his gaze. “I know. We`ll meet in a few weeks, there`s a long weekend around 17. Mai. I can come visit. I haven`t been much in Trondheim before. And then it`s soon summer.” 

“Yeah.” Isak swallowed, and kissed Even again. Nuzzled his nose. “Just a little waiting and then two months of summer together in Oslo. It’s going to be alright.”

Was it? He sure hoped so. But they would have at least two more years of this back and forth, before Isak could come back and study in Oslo. It wouldn't be easy. But they could make it if they wanted to.

Isak saw his own worry and hope reflected in Even`s eyes. “See you later, baby,” Even said, and hugged him.

Isak clung to him for a moment, before he let him go. “See you.” 

Even smiled and backed off from him, in his big strides, holding his gaze. Then he winked, turned around and got on the train.

Isak stared after him until he was onboard and the train started to go. He could still feel Even’s touch on his skin, and the echo of feeling him inside. It burned. He turned around, not daring to look back. Just a few weeks until a long weekend together and two months until they would have the whole summer together. He knew he’d gotten an amazing second chance for happiness. He could do this. He picked up his luggage and went to find his bus. 

_ June 2019 (Now) _

Isak was sitting on the airtrain to Oslo. In just a couple of minutes, he was going to be back where it all started. Where his life ended last year. 

Now it was June, school was over for now and he would finally have two months of summer holiday in front of him. With Even. He almost couldn't believe it. The anticipation to see Even was fluttering in his stomach like hummingbirds fighting to get out. It had been three months of longing, since they parted in Oppdal. Talking on the phone every night. Texting. Sexting. Skyping. Sometimes they had talked for hours, sometimes they had phonesex and sometimes they’d watched a movie together. It had helped a little. They had even seen each other that long weekend around 17. Mai, when Even visited Trondheim, but that was too short, of course. Too little. Isak still missed Even, day after day after day.

The airtrain arrived at Oslo S, and Isak picked up his bags. His hands shook a little as he waited for the train to stop and the doors to open, as he knew that Even was probably waiting for him at the platform. Or maybe not, maybe he was outside. Isak knew he shouldn't hope too much; Even was often late, so he might not have reached the platform. His heart raced anyway. The doors opened, Isak took a deep breath and stepped down on the platform.

As he got off, there was a chaos of travellers everywhere, but Isak set? the course for the entrance. Just as he reached the end of the platform, he saw a tall and very familiar figure. The joy and relief washed over him like a wave. Even stood there, in his jean jacket that he loved so much, leaning onto a bench. He was here! God, he'd missed him so fucking much. And fuck, he looked good. Isak suddenly wanted to drop his bags and run into his arms, like in some silly romantic movie. He didn't drop his bags, but he sped up, and walked straight to him.

When he was two steps away, Even noticed him, and his face lit up in a wide smile. Beautiful. Isak dropped his bags and threw himself at him. Their kiss was deep and desperate. “Even,” Isak gasped against his lips, “it’s so fucking good to see you.”

Even made a strangled sound and chuckled against his mouth, as his arms pulled him impossibly close. “You too.”

He pulled back and caught Isak’s gaze. “Halla,” he said, and pressed a kiss at Isak’s cheek. 

“Halla.” Isak said softly. “Are you alright?” At Even’s nod he smiled. “I missed you.”

With a groan, Even dipped his head and took Isak's lips in a kiss of such gentleness that it made Isak melt inside. Quivering in response to the gentle attack, Isak kissed him back with everything in him, moaning as their tongues tangled in a fast dance. How the fuck had he survived for so long without these lips, Isak thought as he lost himself in the kiss. After a long time, they came up for much needed air.

Even looked closely at Isak. His one hand combed through Isak’s hair. He leaned back and caught Isak’s gaze. “Your hair is back, just a little shorter.” He smiled.

Isak nodded, lost in Even’s eyes. “Yeah. It grows like weed, you know.” He whispered when he got to Even, his hand moving up to cup his cheek. Even's eyes fluttered close as he turned his face into the caress. “Yeah I know.” He had a half smile on his face as he opened his eyes again. “Let’s go home.”

He helped Isak with one of the bags, and they walked to the car. The hummingbirds in Isak’s belly had turned into butterflies, but they still were there. Everything was familiar, but new, and it made him nervous. 

“Can I drive?” Isak asked, when they reached their car. 

Even stared at him. “What? Did you get your license? I thought you never wanted to get out in the traffic?”

“Well, Markus did.” Isak smiled a crooked smile. He was ridiculously proud that he had managed to hide the fact that he had learned to drive. “Look.” He showed Even his brand new driver's license. 

Even laughed, hugged him and gave him the car keys. Was it just in Isak’s mind, or did he look proud? “Maybe creating this Markus wasn't a bad idea, after all.”

Isak shrugged, and got into the car. Even was right. Being Markus had maybe just been a desperate survival strategy in the beginning, but after a while he became more. And he hadn’t only gifted Isak with the ability to drive.

They drove to the apartment chatting slightly nervously and giving each other long looks. It wasn't a long drive, but Isak was glad he didn't have to drag his bags through the city. He was also glad that he could show off his driving skills. He guessed he always would be careful in the traffic, but at least he could drive if he needed to. 

When they approached the flat, Even seemed thoughtful for a moment, almost distant. He gave Isak a quick look, and seemed almost guilty. “I can’t stay that long, I have a late shift at KB”.

“Uh. Okay.” Isak was disappointed, but he pushed the feeling away. He was back in their everyday life now. Even had to work, it was just how it was. 

They walked into the flat, and Isak’s breath hitched. Everything was the same, or almost. The furniture was the same and all their pictures were on the walls. There were several new drawings and a new poster, too. Some of the books that Isak had left behind, still stood on the shelf. It was weird. Isak wanted to laugh, or cry, he didn't know. Everything was the same, but different, too.

Even stroked his arm, but gave him a little space. It was like he saw what tumbled around in Isak’s mind. Isak put down his bags and stood motionless for a moment, while Even looked for his keys for work. Even found them surprisingly quick, in a bowl on top of their shelf. Even smiled and seemed pleased with himself. Isak suddenly realized that Even was kind of different, too. He seemed more in control than before, but it was more than that. Isak had noticed already when they met in May, that Even wasn't all over Isak like he used to be. He still was affectionate, of course, but much more laid back. Isak saw the same now. Even seemed content. Happy.

“You seem happy,” Isak said.

“Yeah?” Even smiled a little, as he put his arm around Isak’s waist. “I guess that I am. Things are good, you know.”

An alarm went off on his wrist, and he smiled. “I’ve set an alarm for when I need to go to work. And when I need to take my meds. So I don’t need anyone to look after me, you know?

“That’s great!” Isak’s heart swelled, and he smiled a wide smile. He felt so proud. And a little useless at the same time. Even didn't need him, not like before. He knew it was petty to think like that, so he pushed the thought away. 

Even looked at Isak. “It’s so good to have you back. I wish I could stay, but I really have to work. I have made you some food. It’s on the stove. And we can catch up later, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.” The disappointment still buzzed in Isak. Even shouldn't know about that, though, that would only make him feel guilty. Isak borrowed some sassiness from Markus and raised his eyebrows. “You bet.” He grinned and kissed Even goodbye. Feeling like a fake (but he had to; in that moment he just had to).

The flat felt empty when Even left. Isak let his bags be, and the food, too. Everything was fine. He was fine. He knew Even loved him. He did. He just… He had hoped things would be different.

He needed someone to talk to. Someone who would listen and not judge. Someone who could help him get what was going on. He stared at his phone for a small eternity, before he phoned Jonas.

“Yo, Isak!” Jonas’ voice was warm and glad. “Are you back, bro?”

Isak just stood there, picking at his hoodie. “Yeah, I am.”

“Everything good?”

Isak sighed. “Yeah, well, I guess.”

The pause was telling. “Meaning?”

Isak felt like an idiot, but he still had to say it. “Well, I just came home, right? And it’s wonderful, but... Even is working, and busy, and happy with his life, and I guess it’s kind of an anticlimax to be here, if you see what I mean?”

Jonas laughed a little. “Sure. The fact that Even is busy with his life, yeah? I know that feeling.”

Isak frowned. He didn't see that coming. “How come?” he asked.

Jonas was silent for a moment. “Do you know why Eva and I broke up?”

Isak hesitated, as he recalled that whole shit show in first year at Nissen. “Well, I  _ thought _ I knew?”

Jonas laughed. “No, Isak, it wasn't because of you. Well, not only. Eva broke up with me because she felt she had become too dependent on me. I felt it, too. And I was kind of shitty with her because of it. So Eva sort of wanted to find herself, on her own.”

“I didn't know that.”

“Well, now you do. And when we came back together, Eva wasn't like she used to be. She was happy. Whole. I wasn't everything she needed anymore. And to be honest, that was… it took some time getting used to it. Maybe Even has gone through something like that, too?”

Isak thought for a moment, as he sat down on their bed. Jonas could have a point. “But I never thought that Even was too dependent on me?” he pondered. “I was the jealous one, after all.”

“Isak. He was obsessed with you, for fuck’s sake. And believe me, he was jealous, too. He told me once, that he had wanted to throw his beer at Emma. So. After you two broke up he had a period where he was so angry at you. And so angry at himself. He drowned himself in drawing and filming. Everything was about you. But something changed after a while. Especially after you met at Easter. Maybe he found out that he needed to be more independent, too? I dunno.”

“Huh.” Isak thinks for a moment. “So what are you trying to say, Jonas?”

“Just.. talk to him, you know?”

“Yeah.” Isak sighed. That always seemed to be the answer. He didn't want to think about that right now. “You said that you were shitty to Eva?” he asked. “How?”

Jonas blew out a long breath. “I put it all on her. Said that she was too dependent and jealous, and that she had to become more independent, that she should just get over the stuff with Ingrid and make new friends. I didn't know what I had, to be honest, I just wanted to smoke weed and chill.”

Isak had to smile a little, it sounded like the Jonas he knew back then. “Do you think I could have been like that with Even, too?”

“Nah. You`re not me, Isak. If I'm going to guess, I suppose you are more the type to try to have control. I am not saying that you were controlling, but I can see that you liked to fix stuff.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“It doesn't have to be bad to have different strengths. Even is good with the ideas, and you’re good with the planning. As long as it feels alright.”

“True. I just don’t get why I feel so lost now that Even doesn’t need me.”

“Of course you feel lost! It feels damn good to be needed. You’re just a human, Isak. Talk to him.”

“Did you talk to Eva about it?”

“Well, uh, yeah, after I had acted like a possessive idiot for a week or two.”

Isak had to laugh. “I can believe that.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, Isak. Just talk, and maybe you'll find out that you still need each other, but just not exactly like before.”

Isak nodded. “Yeah, sure, maybe. Thanks.” Jonas probably had a point.

There was a small silence again. Then: “So... are you going to celebrate tomorrow? The big twenties?”

Isak sighed. He had almost forgotten that. His birthday. He knew he should be good about it, but the thought of it gave him an uneasy feeling in his stomach. “Yeah, I don't know. Maybe we go out for some beers or something. We haven't talked about it yet.”

“You okay about it?” Jonas voice was careful. “I mean, it's been a year?”

_ Of course Jonas would ask that.  _ Jonas knew. He didn't always know all the details of course, but he always knew if something was off. “I`m fine, Jonas. It's weird, but it's... okay. I`m just glad I don't have to celebrate this day without Even this year.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Jonas had a smile in his voice. “You're back, and in looove. Tomorrow's going to be a good day. Anyway. You know you can call if you need to talk, yeah?”

‘Yeah, I do.”

After the talk Isak felt a little better. At least well enough to eat the food Even had prepared (yum) and unpack some of his clothes. He still felt a little sad, like his reunion had been robbed from him. He had wanted to kiss Even for hours, touch, talk, fuck and be together. Now he couldn't, and it was frustrating. He felt a little childish because of it, but he couldn't help himself.

_ How would Markus have reacted?  _ he thought, but tried to ignore it. He wasn`t Markus anymore. Still, he knew that Markus probably would have been more proactive. He would have told Even what he felt, and maybe even tried to convince Even to stay. Being Isak again really was challenging sometimes, at least when he didn`t feel too sure of himself, like right now.   

Isak’s thinking and moodiness made him tired. After dinner, he threw himself on the bed and played some games for a little while. That way he killed some time and kept his frustration in check. But then his eyes became more and more heavy, and he snuggled into Even’s pillow, breathing in the scent of him. While the longing for Even mixed with an overwhelming sleepiness, he slowly drifted away.

_ April 2019 (Then) _

The sun was shining as Isak walked into his therapist's office. It was just a couple of days after Isak said goodbye to Even in Oppdal. The sunlight lit up the room so much, it almost was painful. Isak blinked, said hello to his therapist, Caroline, and sat down in his chair. He let his eyes take in her messy desk. Papers everywhere. Pencils. Coffee cups. A lunch box. It was pretty obvious that she was the type to have her head in the clouds, but she still had managed to help him sort some things this last year. He kind of liked her.

“Anything new?” she asked, as she often did.

“Uhm, yeah.” Isak hesitated. This was his first session after being in Oppdal, and he knew he had a lot of shit to bring up. “I’m doing good. But I have something to tell you,” he said, and took a deep breath. “I have been pretending to be someone else for like… nine months.”

Her eyes got wider. “Okay?”

Isak blushed, feeling ashamed over the fact that he never told her before. They had been planning to finish his contact, since things were going so great, and now he dropped this bomb. It wasn't fair, probably. 

“When I moved up here I told everyone that my name was Markus Simensen, I cut and dyed my hair, started to buff up and started to act... differently.”

Caroline looked confused. “So… Uhm, why did you do this?”

Isak sighed. “I guess I did it to get over Even, you know. I felt so miserable, and I needed a change. A new start. So I changed my appearance and started to act like this charming asshole, basically.”

His therapist’s eyebrows shot up. “It was a bit drastic, though?”

“Yeah, well, I needed something drastic.”

He met her gaze. He knew this was a big thing, and weird, too. She looked at him for a long time. “Okay. So what are the differences between Markus and you?”

Isak had to think for a while. “I never was a people person. I mean, I liked to hang with my closest friends, but that was it. I kept things to myself. It took ages before I told anyone that I was gay, for instance.” 

“And Markus was different?”

Isak nodded. “After the breakup with Even I was devastated, you know. But as Markus I pushed it all away and forced myself to be social. I acted like I was more cocky, sarcastic and self assured. I partied, and flirted, and told everyone I was gay. I worked out, too, and got muscles and felt good about myself.”

“Can you show me?”

“Huh?”

“Can you show me how Markus is different?”

“Okay.” Isak shifted in his chair, leaned forward and sat in a more self assured posture. Lifted his chin a little. He caught Caroline’s eyes, and smiled a wide smile. “Hi, sweetheart. So you’re Caroline, eh? You’re really cute, aren’t you? I’m Markus.”

“Hello, Markus!” Caroline smiled. “ Can you tell me about yourself?”

“Sure, babe!” he grinned. “I study at NTNU and I like to work out and stay in shape. I like to hang out with my friends, and sometimes they give me some hassle for all the training, but I don’t care. I know I am both smart and good looking, anyway. I am gay, and proud. Some say I’m a flirt, but what’s wrong with having a little fun?”

Caroline looked amused. “Okay. Isak, this Markus seems like a charmer. But why did you chose those things in the first place? Cutting your hair and exercising and being cocky?”

Isak leaned back in the chair, and lost his posture. The question made him feel hot in his head. “It was all about Even, I suppose. Even loved my golden locks, so I cut them off. He used to tease me for being lazy, so I started to work out. Breaking up with him made me want to keep to myself, it`s what I always do, so I did the opposite.” 

Caroline seemed like she got a little bit more of it, now. “Okay. When you talk about how you changed, it doesn't sound like it was all an act?”

Isak hesitated. “No, it kind of affected me. I became more confident.”

“That a good change, isn't it?”

“Yeah, well, it wasn't real. I mostly wanted to curl up and cry my heart out because of Even. But I just studied, worked out, was social and partied instead.”

“Huh. First you say Markus affected you, then you say it wasn't real. What was it?

“Both, maybe?” Isak sighed. “I don’t know. I don't know if the change was good or not, either.” He struggled to find the right words to continue. “Markus had another side, too. He was bossy. Sarcastic. He liked things a little rougher, tougher and darker. When I was Markus I could be mean toward others, and eh, bossy in bed. ” Isak blushed. “I don’t know why. That part of Markus just came to life, it wasn't something I chose.” 

Caroline nodded. “So Markus had both good and bad sides?”

“Yeah.”

She had something calculating in her eyes. “Do you recognize that bossy side as Isak, too?”

“Well, yeah. Not as much, though.”

She looked like she thought for a while. “You wanted therapy to help you with your sleeping difficulties and anger issues, right? But you struggled with that before you moved from Oslo?”

Isak nodded. “Yeah. I have had those issues for years. I never wanted to go to therapy, though, but Markus could. So I did.”

“Huh. So I can thank Markus for you coming here? Nice. But have you been Isak or Markus in our sessions, then?”

“Mostly Isak. In the papers I’m still Isak, so I tried to be myself. To be honest. I still told you about things happening when I was Markus. So, maybe both?” 

“Hm. I think you  _ are  _ both, actually.”

“Huh?”

She didn't answer. “I have to ask you about one thing. What made you tell me all this today?”

Isak drew his breath. “I met Even at Easter.”

“What?” Caroline stared at him. “Even? At the cabin trip? How?”

Isak chuckled. “Aren't you psychologists supposed to have poker faces?” 

“Nah. Never.” Caroline smiled. “What happened?” 

“You remember Sana? She played matchmaker, I think. She knew I was about to go skiing in Oppdal, and ordered a trip for her brother Elias, Yousef and Even to come there.”

Caroline grinned. “Sana, you sneaky bitch.”

Isak laughed. “Yeah!”

“So, what happened? Did her matchmaking work?”

“Well, Even came, and he saw me as Markus. I mean, I acted as Markus. As a reflex. I was being flirty and pretended that I didn't know him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Even was confused, but he kind of played along. And I… Well, I wanted to fuck him. You know, no strings, no feelings. Of course that didn't work.”

“Of course not.” Caroline looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“I was a mess,” he admitted. “First I was all bossy, but then I just... froze during sex, and started to cry. I love him, you see. Always did, and always will. I couldn't help feeling it. But Even was amazing. He kind of took care of me. We were so... close. And then, the next day, we talked. About everything.”

Caroline breathed out a slow breath. “Good. You two weren't always good at talking, were you?”

Isak shrugged. “Guess not. But we’re getting better. We’re eh… coming back together.”

He blushed. Could hardly believe the words as he said them out loud. “Actually, we’re trying this long distance thing.”

Caroline nodded. “Wow, that’s really a twist. So you aren't pretending to be Markus anymore, then?”

“No. I told the guys from Uni that I went through some personal crisis, and that my real name was Isak. They didn't react much, really.”

Caroline leaned back in her chair. “So. What’s your goal now?”

“Isn't that obvious? I want to become Isak again. Get rid of Markus for real.”

“Huh, really?” Caroline looked like she thought for a long moment. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course, yeah? What do you mean?”

“I just think that Markus is a part of you that always has been there. He had some dark sides, but he had some really bright ones, too. He helped you survive a breakup and some rough experiences. He made you stronger and more confident. Why get rid of him?”

Isak frowned. Her question made him think. He knew that there were some good sides of being Markus. He had gone to therapy because of him, and had a better temper and slept better because of it. He felt more confident. He wasn't afraid of what others thought about him. 

Was it right to go back to the Isak he used to be?

_ June 2019 (Now) _

Isak woke up as he felt a warm hand stroke through his hair, and a soft kiss on his cheek.  _ Even _ . Even was back. It all came back to him. He was back in Oslo, and he had fallen asleep on the bed while Even was at work. Isak stretched out with a slow smile on his lips. He wanted Even in his arms. “Baby,” he muttered, and blinked with tired eyes. He opened his arms. “Come here.”

Even chuckled, but didn't come under the duvet. Isak could feel his warm breath against his neck. “You must have fallen asleep playing games, baby. You should take off your clothes.”

Isak stretched and grinned, but refused to move. “Mmm you just wanna see me naked, huh?”

“Come on. Sleeping fully clothed can’t be very comfortable.”

Isak grunted. Even was right, he was pretty clammy. “I guess not.” He finally blinked and looked up at Even. Even smiled, but he looked tired. Exhausted, actually. It seemed like a good night fuck was out of the question. Isak sighed, sat up and gave Even a soft kiss. 

“Halla,” he said.

“Halla.” Even smiled, sat back, and rubbed his neck. 

“Tired?” Isak asked, and let a hand stroke through Even`s hair. He couldn't keep his hands off. He just couldn`t.

“Yeah.” Even shrugged. His tired eyes were smiling. “It's good to come home to you, though.”

“Good.” 

“So, what do you want to do, now that you`re here?” Even asked. “I guess you haven't been back in Oslo much?”

Isak felt a little uneasy, but pretended to be fine. “I was home at Christmas. Visited mom. Got to see both Sana, Eva and Jonas and the boys. Oh yeah, and Eskild. I sort of did a tour.  Apart from that, it’s almost been a year.”

A year. He could see how Even suddenly realized what he said; that it had been a whole year since they fucked up and everything went to hell. His face fell. “Fuck, Isak, I’m sorry,” he breathed.

Yeah. Isak was sorry, to. He wished he could turn back time and take back everything he'd said to Even one year ago. And everything Even said. “I’m sorry, too. We were so fucking stupid, Even.”

“Yeah, that’s for sure.”  Even`s voice cracked, the unmistakable vulnerability sifting through his intense blue eyes, shocking Isak. "We made a stupid mistake, Isak. But we can't give up, right?" The vulnerability etched on his gorgeous face undid Isak.  Even looked so sad, but so hot at the same time. 

“Right.” Isak couldn't explain it, but his heart raced and he had a ache in his chest, and he wanted Even so much. This man he loved more than anything in the world. This man who had shattered his world with just a few words, and made it whole again when he came back. Isak wanted Even. He wanted to pull Even close and never let go, but that would be selfish. Even was tired. He probably needed a good night's sleep. Maybe some food, too?

He picked at Even`s shirt. Recalling all the times Even used to meet him with dinner served when he came home dead tired from school. And what did Isak do for Even? Sleep the whole evening away? God, he was such a shitty boyfriend. “You hungry?” he asked. “I could heat up the rests for you?”

Even leant his head on Isak’s shoulder. “No, I`m good.”

Isak nodded. He suddenly felt a little lost. Something was kind of awkward between them, or different, and he didn't know what. He felt a sting of something like disappointment again, because he really, really had wanted Even in his arms; he had wanted to fuck him until he forgot himself, to be honest. And now that he couldn't, he just wanted to pout and be cranky. He felt guilty that he could feel like that, when Even had worked late and needed some rest. What was wrong with him? Was he just a selfish sex addict, or something? He needed to get a grip. “Well, I'll better get these clothes off.” he muttered, and got out of bed. “Should brush my teeth, too.”

“What?” Even sat on the bed, staring after him. “Aren't you even going to drag me to bed or beg me to undress you?”

Isak stopped in his tracks, startled by the question. Even looked lost. Confused. Maybe a little disappointed, too? 

“But uh, I thought you were tired?” Isak asked. He sat down next to Even again. He felt slightly embarrassed, and struggled to keep Even`s gaze. “I didn't want to be pushy.” 

Even looked surprised, but then he grinned. “Of course I am tired, Isak! But I still wanna have you in bed, you know?”

Isak relaxed. “Good.”

“How could you doubt that?” Even laughed a little. “We haven't seen each other since May, Isak! I`m walking around like I'm about to explode!”

“Me too.” Isak blushed. He actually blushed! It was like someone suddenly had turned the heat on. Isak needed Even, like _ right now _ . He pushed Even on his back, and sat on his lap. Rested his hands on his chest, and stared into his eyes.  _ God, he was so beautiful.  _ “I think I need to get to know you again, baby,” he admitted, as he bent over and kissed him slowly. “It`s like I don`t speak Even, anymore.”

Even laughed. “So, Even is a language, now, eh?”

“Yeah, and now I'm out of practice. I don't know when “I'm tired” means “let me be” or when it means “fuck me senseless.” He licked his suddenly dry lips. 

He heard a tortured sound rumble out of Even's chest and watched as his captivating eyes dropped from his eyes to his mouth. 

Isak suppressed a gasp when he saw Even's eyes, filled with sudden lust, follow his tongue till it disappeared back into his mouth. That was the most erotic look anyone had ever given him, Isak thought, totally floored. God, he wanted Even to kiss him so bad.

“Oh, Isak.” Even’s breath was coming out harshly. “It always means ‘fuck me senseless.’” 

Isak swallowed. The hunger surging through him at that moment was too intense for comfort. He tried to suppress it but it just wasn't working. “Good.” Isak smiled a slow, shaky smile. “So now I know.” He was slowly going out of his mind with want. He let a finger follow Even`s nose and lips, and studied his face. “You've changed, you know,” he said. “I might have taken it to another level with that Markus shit, but you've changed, too. You seem more secure of yourself. More in control.”

Even raised his eyebrows. “That must be good, though?” he whispered.

“It is.”  _ It's just weird that you don't need me as much as before. _ Isak swallowed hard, and took a chance. “It's just weird that you don't need me as much as before,” he said. And blushed. Feeling like an idiot.

Even stared into his eyes. “I know, but I'll always need you, anyway.” He paused for a moment. “I had to change. I couldn't continue being angry all the time. So I decided to stop blaming people for everything. And myself.”

“That`s good.” It seemed like Jonas’ theory was right. Isak felt relieved from saying the words out loud, it was like his worries faded at once.

“Yeah,” Even said. “And I had to make some routines to help me stay in control of things.”

Isak chuckled. “You needed that,” he smiled.

Even smiled back. “I did.” He looked like he thought for a moment. “I think that my obsessive drawing and filming have had a side effect, too. I got a lot of praise at school, and… well that was a boost to my ego, you know.”

Isak`s heart was so full, he could hardly bear it. “I'm so proud of you, baby.” He kissed Even. Even’s mouth was gentle and yet desperate...soft and yet strong against Isak’s. “I just need to learn to speak Even again, that's all.”

“Well, I think I need to learn the Isak language, too,” Even smiled against his lips. “The last time we met, you bossed me around, and now you're so careful it almost hurts. And you talk about feelings and stuff? What's that about?”

Isak shrugged, and smiled. “Maybe Markus took some of my bossiness with him when I kicked him out, so to speak?”

“Oh no, he can't have done that,” Even laughed, and wiggled his eyebrows. “I'll have to see if I can lure out bossy Isak some more.”  

Isak grinned, feeling the want rise in him again, like a flood. “Oh yeah? So you'd like to play with him some more, would you?”

Something shifted in Even`s eyes. “I wanna play with you, baby. Now. Can I do that?”

The look in his eyes made Isak nervous and very very horny at the same time. “That means sex, right?” he half joked. He wanted to fuck Even so badly; he wanted to make him feel good. In fact, he had an idea about just how he wanted to do that. 

“It does.” Even kissed Isak’s neck and reached for his pants, but Isak pushed him back. Silenced his questions with a kiss. Licking his lips and sucking at his tongue. “No, tonight`s all about you, baby. If I can`t feed you, I'll take care of you like this instead.”

Isak didn't know if he was inspired by Markus or if it was his own bossy style taking over. He just knew that he wanted to make Even feel good. 

He lifted Even`s shirt over his head and started to kiss at his neck. “I`m sure your feet are sore after a long day at work, right?”

Even stared up at him with dazed eyes. “Sure.”

“Well, I should give you a nice foot massage, then.”

Even looked surprised. Pleased, but surprised. “I thought we were about to fuck.”

Isak laughed. “Well, I wanna make you feel good first. Indulge me a little, yeah?”

“No problem.” Even had the most devastating smile. If he'd said he just wanted to bend Isak over the bed or the table and take him there, Isak probably would have said yes. 

“Good.” Isak picked up a cream from his bag (one thing Markus got the hang of was moisturizing). He knew it was water based, so it wouldn't mess up the sheets, or the condoms. This could be fun. 

They kissed, and Even grunted into his mouth, "Oh God, Isak..." Then with a sound that was a cross between a sob and a moan, Even fully claimed Isak's mouth in a deep, hungry kiss. His hungry tongue caressed the insides of Isak's mouth, like he was trying to taste every corner of his mouth. Isak moaned into the kiss as he shuddered, melting against Even. When Even let go of his lips, Isak had to fight to stay in control.

Even reached for Isak’s shirt. Isak pulled back and grinned. “No hands, baby” he said, in a stern voice. “You just take off the rest of your clothes and lie back on your stomach. Let me do the work, okay?”

“Whatever you say.” Even smiled, peeled off his pants and boxers and laid down on the bed, face down. 

Isak paused for a moment, just enjoying the view. He never got tired of watching Even`s lean body, not to mention his tempting butt. He warmed the cream in his hands and started the massage, making long strokes up Even’s legs. Even moaned when he worked the muscles deeper. The sound made Isak shiver. Wow, how could he forget how Even`s sounds affected him? Even`s body was so tempting under him. He should take it slow, but what he really wanted to do, when he started working the ball of Even’s foot, was to slide his hands up and take possession of his ass. Damn he was having a problem. He concentrated on the muscles, releasing the knots and working out the tension.

Isak was already hard and dripping in his pants; this was going to be one long, hot massage. His dick brushed against Even as he moved. He didn't pull away, but let out a soft moan of his own as he continued the massage.

Isak probably worked Even’s ass a bit longer than was necessary, but Even didn't seem to mind. He groaned and grunted and lifted his ass from the bed. Isak was still trying to take it slow, though his thoughts were anything but. He kept pushing aside images of sliding his hard cock between those cheeks and giving Even a prostate massage he'd never forget. That would have to wait a little. Isak was pressing down his pant leg and dripping a little despite his attempts to think of anything that could be boring.

He massaged Even’s thighs for a long time before he moved up to Even`s lower back. The anticipation was killing him, and Even seemed like he had melted between his hands. Isak worked on his lower back a little more, before he couldn't resist the temptation any longer. He stood up and quickly ripped his clothes off. When he focused on Even’s ass again, he didn't worry about not dipping into the crack. He worked Even’s ass till it was hot and pliable and Even was moaning.

Isak then surprised Even by getting up over him, straddling his hips, and nestling down between his glutes. Isak’s cock slid back and forth in his cleft as he continued to work his back; this time from his low back up to his shoulders. This suddenly was more than a foot massage, but Isak didn't care. He was having too much fun. Isak slid back a little, reached down and massaged Even`s hole in slow, circular motions. Even was moaning continuously at that point. Isak leaned forward, pressing his entire body against Even’s, and whispered into his ear. “I believe you need a deep prostate massage, don’t you?”

Even groaned and pressed himself up against him. "Oh yeah, fuck, I really need that.” His voice was shaky. 

Isak grinned and pulled back, so he could find the condoms. “Good, I think I`ve got just what you need.” Isak worked his fingers into Even’s eager hole. He wanted in there so bad; it had been a month, and two more before that. He still forced himself to take his time. He slowly opened Even, twisting and stroking him until Even was trying to push off the bed to get more of Isak in him. Finally, when Isak knew Even would have no problem taking him, he leaned forward and pressed his hands against Even`s back for support. In one, slow, delicious plunge, he slid in to the root.

Even groaned, long and loud, and Isak could hardly believe how good it was. The tight feeling around his dick made him groan, too. He worked Even slowly, taking long deep strokes. Sometimes pulling out the whole way, only to slide back in. Even moved under him and cursed and moaned at the same time. “Fuck, Isak, I need… more... harder.” They were both breathing loudly. Isak set a quicker and harder pace and Even got even louder. “Oh yes, damn, fuck, so good, fuuuck.”

Isak felt a warm tightening inside his chest, a feeling so overwhelmingly intense it rendered him breathless. His mouth opened in awe as his body convulsed violently over Even. He shuddered into Even, filling the condom, feeling the orgasm rush through his body. 

He held himself up on shaky arms. He was certain that Even had come, too. He breathed heavily and looked drained. When Isak knew he could stand, he stood on his knees and threw away the condom. Then he continued the massage. He worked Even`s legs, again, causing Even to moan softly as he massaged the muscles. Isak hadn't planned it (well maybe a little), but he was starting to get turned on again. He leant over Even and licked his ear before telling him to turn over. The action caused Even to shiver, and he did what he was told. 

Even had come pretty impressively from what Isak could tell. He slid a towel over the come soaked area before Even finished rolling over. Isak had been building in arousal again from the moment he started to massage Even again. By the time Even was on his back; Isak had a semi erection. Seeing Even in full glory again didn't help matters.

Even seemed dazed as he moved over. "Sorry about the tense muscle.” He chuckled a little. “I can’t seem to get enough of you.” 

Isak grinned. “Well, I’m not sorry. That will have to wait a little, though.” 

“Not too long, I hope.” Even’s eyes were glazed as he looked at Isak. He was apparently very pleased with the treatment so far, and ready for more. His cock twitched and he reached out to touch Isak’s chest. Isak planned to slide down to his feet, but Even gripped his arm.

“Isak?” 

Isak looked at him, waiting. Even looked amazing. His hair was a mess, his lips red and his cheeks flushed. Suddenly Isak was overwhelmed by his feelings. He loved Even so much, he almost couldn't bear it. Even’s eyes were dark and full of need. "Kiss me, please."

Isak leaned down and kissed him. It was slow and wet and wonderful. Even followed him up a little way when he pulled back. Isak worked his way back up Even`s body, paying special attention to his inner thighs. Even closed his eyes and moaned. Then he reached for Isak. He let his hands linger a bit on Isak’s lower back, tracing his muscles lightly. Even’s eyes were watching Isak as he had the impulse to lean in and kiss him. Isak shuddered and took a breath before gently pulling Even’s hands away and putting them at his sides. Isak’s dick was throbbing hard now.

Isak decided to finally move for Even`s dick, but he positioned himself at Even`s head facing his toes, planting his knees on either side of his head. When he leaned over Even to work on his thighs, Even licked his shaft. Isak yelped, and held on to Even`s hips. 

Isak felt him tilt back and he slid Isak’s cock into his mouth and down his throat. Isak’s had to shut his eyes for a moment, as he sucked on Even`s dick. It was damn good. When Even moaned, it vibrated across Isak’s entire shaft and he was twitching. 

After several long tastes of Even`s cock, Isak knew he had to have it. He stretched and snagged the other foil packet. He made quick work of getting Even sheathed before he pulled from Even’s hot mouth and turned around. Isak straddled Even, lifting his dick so that it was nearly straight up.

Even stared at him. “Your massage is thorough.” His voice was low and husky and Isak knew he wanted to just ram his way home, but he was holding back. Isak just grinned and closed his eyes as he slowly sank down on Even’s shaft. He wasn't as prepared as Even was, but it took about four tries to get him completely planted into his ass. It felt so good to have Even there again.

Even groaned. “Jesus Christ, Isak, you're so fucking tight."

"It's been a while, you know," Isak gasped as he pulled up and slid back again. That had them both groaning. Even bent up to kiss Isak again. Isak shuddered, god, he loved him so much. 

Isak rode him slow and long, taking his time. Even watched him, exploring his chest and arms with his hands. When Isak’s actions became more erratic, Even began to thrust up into him; his short, quick thrusts hit Isak’s prostate like a homing missile. Isak braced his hands on Even’s chest and Even fucked the cum out of him.  And then Isak felt it...a warm tightening inside his chest, a feeling so overwhelmingly intense it rendered him breathless. Isak groaned out, shooting up to his chest with his release and rocked on his rod till he could catch his breath. Even was still hard inside but his face looked totally sated.

Even smiled and stroked Isak’s cheek. It was such a loving gesture. "You look so incredible when you come."

Isak was still breathing heavily, but he wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. "You want to see it again?"

Groaning, Even rocked up into Isak. "Oh, damn… I don't think I'd survive another round.” He panted. “I've come once already and I'm still hard and throbbing."

"How about a shower, a nap and then we can see if we want more?” Isak leaned in and tasted Even’s lips again. Smiled. “Or maybe you manage to get me going again before you finish. Stranger things have happened.” In fact, his dick was twitching a little already. Fuck, he was so gone for Even. 

Even looked at him; his eyes were serious. He seemed to be weighing his words as he stroke Isak’s face. His tenderness made Isak’s heart do flip-flops. “I love you so much, Isak.”

Isak looked into his eyes. “Even, I love you too.” He let out a slow breath. Even was starting to look desperate, as he was slowly rocking into him. Isak enjoyed the sensation inside, and grinned. “I`m not that sensitive right now, Even, you can fuck me harder if you want to.”

“Yeah?” Even shivered. “Oh, god, Isak. I wanna…” He grabbed hold of Isak and pulled them both around so Isak landed on his back. Even was heavy over him, lifting his legs over his shoulders. He was shivering with focus. “I`m going to fuck you so hard right now, Isak, and make you horny and needy all over again.”

So he did.

**EVEN**

_ June 2019 (Now) _

Even couldn`t believe it. He had waited for this so long, and now Isak was in his arms. Pinned under his body, to be exact. Even fucked Isak slowly and steadily, wanting to pound into him but trying to keep in some control. They were so close.

"Oh fuck, fuck..." Isak gasped as Even’s fingers wrapped around his cock between them, jerking him with sure strokes. "Even..." He breathed, opening beautiful green eyes which were glazed with lust to gaze up into Even’s eyes above him.

"Just… Let go, baby." Even whispered as he rocked his lower body, plunging into Isak faster, deeper and harder, his thrusts growing more frantic. 

Isak’s compelling eyes, which were dilated from breath-stealing bliss, never left Even's eyes even once. Raw whimpers spilled from him as he jerked against both Even’s dick and hand at the same time. Ropes of thick cum exploded from Isak's cock onto his belly in long hard spurts. His mouth opened in a silent scream as his body convulsed violently on the bed. "Oh my God." Isak gasped as he tried to take deep breaths. "God..."

Looking down at the man lost in so much pleasure, Even was awed. Goddamnit, Isak was something to behold when he came. He wished he could hold off his own impending orgasm and keep his cock within Isak's channel for a while longer. But he didn't stand a chance against those sweet contractions around his cock. Even groaned as his entire body locked into that moment of exquisite tautness that came before release. Their eyes remained locked together. He felt his orgasm start in his lower back, race up and then down his spine, slam into his balls, and then explode through his cock.

And at that very moment...that split second just before he fell off the edge, Even knew that he never had loved anyone like Isak. He felt so overwhelmed with emotions it felt as though his chest might explode along with his cock.

"Fuck." Even roared as he gave in to his urgent release, filling the condom with his hot cum. When the last spasm faded, Even collapsed partially onto Isak. "Gonna fucking kill me Isak." He murmured breathlessly. He was feeling satiated and utterly boneless. When Isak didn't respond with his usual flippant comeback, Even leaned up on his hand and looked down at Isak's flushed face. His eyes were closed. "Hey, you okay?" Even whispered.

Isak nodded and then opened his eyes. "I'm fine. It’s just so good to be back. A little overwhelming."

“Yeah.” Even stared down into beautiful green eyes. Those eyes never ceased to amaze him. They were eyes which pulled a person into them. Those eyes, that face, his sexy body, and even his blonde hair with its casual messy haircut, made him simply beautiful. Even tenderly brushed away the wet lock of hair that had fallen over Isak's eyes and closed the gap between them to touch his mouth to Isak's. Then he gave him a kiss so sweet a shiver passed through both of them. When he released Isak's lips, Even ran his thumb slowly against his lower lip, almost as if he was trying to lock them into memory.

Even gently pulled out of Isak, shifted onto his back and got rid of the condom. He then reached for the hand towel on the bedside table and tenderly wiped the cum off Isak and himself. When he was done he flopped onto his back beside Isak. Still breathing heavily. Both men lay there in silence, each lost in thought.

Meeting Isak today had been a little strange, it really was like they didn't talk each other`s language there for a while. The fact that Even had to go to work probably had something to do with it, too. Even had contemplated skipping work, but didn`t have the conscience to do it. He knew he had to take  responsibility. He still had expected Isak to protest, though, or hold him back or maybe bug him at work. When that didn't happen, he hoped that Isak would jump on him the moment he came home. But Isak had been asleep. Looking heartbreakingly adorable in their bed. Even couldn`t help himself, he had to watch him for a long time. Stroke his hair and kiss him. 

When Isak woke up, and mumbled “baby” and wanted him to come into bed, Even`s heart burned. When Even teased him a little, he had waited for Isak to grab hold of him, kiss him and fuck him, but Isak was just sleepy, withdrawn and careful, looking almost sad, and Even didn`t understand a thing. When Isak stood up and left the bed to brush his teeth, Even couldn't help it, he had to ask what was wrong. 

But Isak had wanted him, too. He had just been careful. Thinking that Even was too tired.  _ Too tired? _ It was ridiculous. When had he ever been too tired to be with Isak? 

Even promised himself that they would use their time well this summer. Get to know each other again and lose the stupid misunderstandings like that. At least they seemed to have had a good start, fucking and coming two times already. He smiled and pulled Isak closer. “So,” he whispered. “What about that shower?”

Isak grunted. “Right now I don’t wanna move.” He sighed. 

Even hid his nose in Isak’s neck, breathing him in. “Me neither.”

“We’re sticky and gross.”

“I know.”

“Shower tomorrow, then.”

“Yeah.” Even shut his eyes. Tomorrow. Isak`s birthday. He didn't know exactly what he felt about that. There were so many emotions connected to that date. Good memories and bad ones. It was one year since they broke up. Even was so grateful that he had gotten a second chance. Also because of the fact that if he and Isak hadn`t met up again, he would have been partly responsible for destroying Isak`s birthday. 

He sighed, promising himself to try to give Isak a birthday to make it all better again.

Isak snuggled even closer. “Natta, Even. Elsker deg.”

Even's heart suddenly felt too big. “Elsker deg også, Isak. Natta.”

Even was certain that everything was going to be okay. He let out a long breath. And then there was only Isak and Even, silence, peace, and sweet dreams. 

_ April 2019 (Then) _

“So, Markus, are you ready to hit the slopes today?” One of the guys from Isak’s university was talking loudly across the common kitchen table.

Even chewed his food and watched the guy grin towards him and Isak. They were a small group of guests sitting in the common eating area in the cabin. Most of the guest had hit the slopes already.

Isak, or Markus, looked up and grinned. “Sure. Not all day, though.” He winked at Even. “I have other things I want to do, too.” He said it casually, for everyone to hear. But the intention was clear.  Even blushed, and smiled, and didn't know where to look. They had had several days in Oppdal now, and this Isak/ Markus situation still kept messing with his head. 

Isak was Markus when his buddies from Uni were there, and he was Isak when he was alone with Even. No matter how Isak acted, he made Even feel the same. In love. In lust. Lost. Losing his balance. At times, Isak would act like Markus when they were on their own, too, to make Even hot headed and flustered. The whole deal was weird, but Even knew that he loved Isak either way.

He took a deep sip of his tea, to pull himself together. “I wonder where Yousef and Elias are,” he said.

Isak laughed. “Well, Elias flirted with a girl for quite some time yesterday, and Yousef was gushing about Sana for hours. I guess they need their sleep.”

“True.”

The boys had discovered the pleasure of talking to Isak yesterday. He was a good listener. Even had had to fight to get Isak with him to bed. 

Isak finished his sandwich. “Yousef seems good, though. He said something about finding his faith again?”

Even smiled. “Yeah. He seems to have found a balance that both Sana and he can live with. He even tries to follow the five pillars, you know.”

“Cool.” Isak smiled. “You know, science and facts are my thing, but I’m all for people finding their balance and shit.”

“Yeah.” Even sighed. “I’m also relieved because I felt like he lost his faith because of me. Sort of.” It stung a little to say it out loud, but it wasn't as raw as it had been. He had talked a lot with Yousef and the other boys lately, and most of the awkwardness between them had disappeared. 

Isak nodded, and squeezed his hand. “I get that, baby. But you can't take the blame for everything,” he said. 

“I know.” In fact, Even knew that really well. He had learned it the hard way (after the breakup). And even if Isak didn't know it yet, Even knew that he had changed, too. He hoped that he would get the chance to show it.

Isak looked at him. “And Elias? Is he still figuring stuff out?”

Even smiled a fond smile. “Yeah. He’s working, and has applied to a school with media in the fall. He is still a little confused about what he wants in life, but who isn't?”

“Yeah.” Isak smiled. His eyes had that teasing glimmer again, and he raised his eyebrows. Staring into Even`s eyes. “I know what I want right now, though.”

Even looked into Isak's eyes and felt a shiver of pure excitement snake down his spine. He gave a shaky laugh. “Yeah? What do you want?” He told himself to look away from Isak's eyes, but he couldn't for the life of him obey his brain.

Isak’s eyes were dark with lust and mischief. “You. In my bed. Right now.”

Even knew it was pointless, but he had to try to fight it. To create the illusion that he had a choice. “Are you trying to boss me around… Markus?” he asked. “Why?”

Isak leaned closer. "You're so fucking sexy, Even." He breathed out. Like he wasn't thinking. Like there weren’t several guests eating breakfast next to them.  And now Even wasn't thinking at all, either. He scolded himself inwardly for his lack of control but even that couldn't help snap him out of the lustful haze he was under.

"You think?" he whispered, licking his lips. “Well, you’re fucking hot, too, and you know it.”

They stared at each other. It was like the other guests had disappeared. And Even knew they had to get out of there right now, or he would combust.

They both stood up and left the room in a hurry. Isak held his hand and pulled him along. Even didn't mind. It was easy to let Isak take the lead. He could show Isak his own change later.

When they closed the bedroom door behind them, they were all over each other in a blur of bodies, lips, want, and hunt for release.  Neither knew who started stripping the other first. But in no time at all, they were both gloriously naked, their pulsing cocks rubbing against each other's. Desperate to reach that height of pleasure, they didn't have time to admire and worship each other's bodies. They had just one goal in mind...to seek relief.

When Isak put on a condom, Even licked his lips lustfully. He would have loved to take that beautiful big cock into his mouth but at that particular moment, Even felt his ass needed it more. He was so horny, it was maddening. "Hurry..." He whimpered. He was getting desperate. 

Isak leaned over Even, his eyes glazed from intense lust. He rubbed the head of his cock against Even's puckered hole. Isak slicked himself, kissing Even the whole time. Even didn't remember wanting anyone more. And when Isak's slick finger penetrated Even's hungry hole, Even almost went insane with need. It felt so good that he groaned, grunted and whimpered for the fuck. 

"Oh God, that feels so good." Even tore his mouth away to moan helplessly when two fingers entered him. He started to buck against the delicious assault, fucking himself on those fingers until he thought he'd go crazy. "Isak..." He gasped when Isak's fingers brushed over his prostate. His breath came in ragged gasps, his body sweating as he shamelessly begged Isak with his body to fuck him. "Please give me your cock, Isak. I can't wait."

And Isak had given it to him...hard.  When Isak pounded into Even, he writhed, begging with his body, feeling his orgasm build like white heat. "Ahh fuck… so good." Even moaned. And when he erupted, he groaned as his body convulsed in ecstasy, his toes curling almost painfully. Isak kept thrusting into him, pushing his button until he roared and shot into him. 

It was so good that Even was utterly boneless afterwards. He'd returned slowly to a sense of who he was, where he was, and who he was with. His body was still heaving from pleasurably aftershocks. 

"Shit!" Even gasped when he finally caught his breath. "That was fucking amazing."

“It sure was.” Isak laughed. “We managed to finish our breakfast first, though. It’s a new record. How far do you think we manage to go before we're back here? Lunch?”

They both giggled and laughed, as they lay there, utterly spent and exhausted. Feeling silly and stupidly in love. They managed to hold back all day until the evening, keeping busy skiing and hanging with the others. But after the evening meal they were back in Isak`s room again, sucking each other off. Tumbling around with each other.

Those ten days of Easter in Oppdal were a lot like that. They fucked each other again and again. Of course they talked a lot, too. Laughed. Cried. Cuddled. And of course they went skiing, partied and ate with the others, too. But it definitely was a lot of fucking. It was like they tried to catch up on everything they had missed in all those months apart. And all the time, Even was silently begging the universe for more time. Always more.

Until the time was up. 

When they were at the train station saying goodbye, Even clung to the thought of them meeting again. He said to himself that this wasn't like the last time, when Isak left him and took his heart with him. This was something different. It wasn't over, it was a beginning. He kissed Isak with his heart open, trusting Isak with all his feelings, knowing that there was no way back anyway. 

While he sat down next to Elias and Yousef on the train, he repeated Isak`s little game to himself like a mantra. “One minute at a time,” he thought, as he looked outside and saw Isak`s back become smaller and smaller. The future would come anyway, but now that was the only thing he needed to worry about.  “One minute at a time.” 

_ June 2019 (Now) _

Even woke up the next day feeling content and well rested, for the first time in a long time. Isak was here, in Oslo, wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Even snuggled even closer, pulling Isak’s arm tighter around him.

Now he would be able to have this, for the whole summer. He couldn't believe it. They were back together. Okay, they hadn't exactly talked and defined what they were, or mapped out their relationship, but they definitely were together. Boyfriends. And about to make a long distance relationship work. 

Isak stirred, it seemed like he was about to wake up. “Morning,” he mumbled, looking grumpy and adorable. 

Even had to kiss him. “Morning.” He suddenly remembered something very important. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Isak blinked and looked up at him. A slow smile grew on his face. “Thank you.” 

Even suddenly felt nervous. One year ago everything went to hell. He didn't know how to fix that. Could they ever manage to make this day good again?

“You okay?” he asked carefully. “I mean, it's been a year.”

Isak sighed. “Yeah. I'm fine. How about you?” 

“I`m good.”

“Good.” Isak smiled, and raised his eyebrows. “But where's my present?”

Even laughed. “You'll have to wait until breakfast.”

Isak pouted a little, but then he smiled. “Let’s take a shower,” he murmured and took Even's mouth in a deep kiss. "I missed us taking a shower together yesterday night." 

"Alright, come on." Even got out of bed. "And for the record, I missed it too," he murmured as he drew Isak into the bathroom.

And in the shower, Even took Isak. This time he went slow, fucking deeply into Isak from behind, with Isak's head thrown back against his shoulder. When Even's hand slid around to pull on Isak's engorged pulsing dick, his head snapped back and his entire body shuddered in exquisite pleasure. With erotic moans, Isak thrust back against Even. It was hot, intense, good and simply magical. When their orgasms eventually hit, they both groaned out their pleasure as Isak shot milky lines against the tiled wall of the shower whilst Even filled his gripping channel with his load.

Isak turned within Even's arms and pressed against his body. Even wound his arms around his neck and pressed his cheek to his. Even made a sound of contentment when Isak tightened his arms around his waist and rubbed his hand on his back soothingly. Even just loved the way he felt whenever he was in Isak's arms. He loved him so damn much. 

"I know it`s sappy, but I just… just want this to last forever." Even admitted softly, lifting Isak's head to claim his mouth. He breathed, pulling back to cradle Isak's jaw. Then his lips were moving desperately over Isak`s, devouring him, licking deep into his mouth, he wanted to absorb Isak into himself.

“Me too.” Isak kissed him back for all he was worth, his fingers sinking into the silky wet mane of Even's hair to hold him to his mouth. The kiss was passionate, deep, furious and meltingly hot. “Well, we have this summer,” he sighed.

"God, Isak..." Even breathed against Isak's lips when they came up for a much needed air. He rubbed the tip of his nose against Isak's as he pressed his fingertips against his parted lips. "I need you, baby." Even breathed, unable to suppress the ferocious swell of emotion within. “I won't let you go.”

Isak grinned. “I know, baby,” he whispered. “I know that now.”

“You do?” Even searched his face, looking for even a hint of doubt. He exhaled audibly when he found none. "Good. Never forget that. Now let's get out of here."

After the shower they got dressed and ate a lazy breakfast. Even did all he could to make it perfect. The coffee and eggs were just like Isak loved them. And then there were the presents, of course. 

Isak`s present from last year. And the present Even just had bought. 

He was nervous as he picked them out of the closet. “Here you are,” Even said. “You won't have to search for your present this time.”

Isak`s laugh was stiff. He looked pale when he saw the present from last year.  _ Of course. _ Isak would remember that. He had stayed in the flat for a long time without opening it. 

Even groaned. “I`m sorry, Isak. I don't want to remind you of everything last year. I just want you to have this. It's yours. Even if I made it when things were rough between us.”

“It's… fine.” Isak picked at the tag. “I read this tag a thousand times,” he said, and sighed. He looked at Even, and his eyes were raw. “I just couldn’t open it. I was so certain you didn't love me anymore.”

"I'm, sorry, I`m an idiot. I..."

Isak cut him off. "That might be." He kissed Even lightly on the lips, smiling a little. "But I'm an idiot, too, and you did blow my mind not too long ago like never before, and then fed me a breakfast to die for so... I can forgive you." Isak laughed softly when Even rolled his eyes. “It's fine. I like that you saved it for me.”

Isak started to rip off the paper. Inside there was a box, and inside the box there was a framed picture. Or a collage, really. Isak stared at it with wide eyes, and Even held his breath. Even had written 21:21 in bold letters, he had also written ‘21. juni 1999’ and some things that happened that particular day. Like: It was Monday. In that special week of June people in US were listening to If You Had My Love by Jennifer Lopez. In UK Sweet Like Chocolate by Shanks & Bigfoot was in the top 5 hits. More importantly, Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's free (to wear sunscreen) was number 4 on that list. In Norway Not for the Dough by Multicyde was number one. Star Wars episode 1 came out that year. Hannibal by Thomas Harris was one of the best selling books. On TV people were watching Bits. If you liked video games you were probably playing Donkey Kong 64 or Final Fantasy VIII. Stuff like that. 

Even had also found the drawings he made for Isak, and had pasted them in. He had also pasted in screenshots from the pool kiss in Romeo + Juliet, that happened at 21:21 into the movie. And finally, a sketch of Isak in his Cæsar costume. From that evening when they ran out, at 21:21. Even was a little pleased with that. The collage even had a Bible quote, from Isaac’s birth in Genesis chapter 21, and a passage about parallel universes and paralleling numbers. And the Surah 21 Verse 21 from the Quran. He had even added a quote from the Urban dictionary that 21 21 meant being or doing something savage. Which was quite fitting, in Even`s mind. It was a lot. But it didn't look that bad.

Isak stared and stared at the collage. “It’s… about me,” he said. “And about us.”

“I tried to capture some of the magical things that I noticed about you,” Even said. “And some of the magic that happened between us. I know you're a science kid, but...”

“...But I have never denied that there is something magic about our world of science.” Isak grinned.  “Well, fuck, you captured it alright.” He looked at Even with awe in his shiny eyes. “Thank you, baby. This is… fucking amazing, you know that?”

Even blushed. It was a year since he made this thing, and at a time they struggled, and Isak`s praise still made him blush. “Well, I`m glad you like it. Uh. You must open the other one, too. The new one. It’s not that sappy, I think.”

He was interrupted by Isak, who practically threw himself at him and kissed him. “Fuck, Even, you`re amazing, you know? How am I ever going to top this?”

Even laughed into his mouth. “It`s pretty awesome, huh?” He leaned back, found the other present and gave it to Isak. “Now, open this one.”

Isak smiled as he ripped the paper off the present. He picked up two plane tickets and stared at Even. 

“Two tickets to Copenhagen?”

Even nodded, suddenly nervous. “And hotel for four nights. Plus tickets to Experimentarium. That’s mostly for kids, but I still thought it could be fun. I know it’s not that exotic, but I just want to travel with you again.”

The words tumbled nervously out of him, and he hoped that Isak didn't hate it. 

Isak stared at the tickets, and back at Even. “Even, that’s… You planned this for us?”

Even bit his lip. “Yeah… It’s okay? I probably should have asked you first, but we can cancel them if we want to.”

“Fuck, no, we won’t!” Isak grinned and threw his arms around Even’s neck. “This is so cool, Even. But it’s too much! How can you afford it?”

Even shook his head, and smiled. Rested his hands on Isak’s hips. “No worries. I found a good deal, and I have saved the money for it.”

Isak breathed out. He looked happy, and his eyes were shining. “Okay. Thank you baby.” He chuckled. “This is so good. You’re really determined to make this birthday a lot better than the last one, eh?”

Even’s heart ached. He held Isak’s gaze. “You deserve the best, baby.” 

Isak answered him with another kiss. “Well, you do, too,” he muttered.

The rest of the day they took everything slow. Even had the day off and they could do what they wanted. “So, what do you want to do today?” Even asked, when they had lunch at a small coffee shop. “I didn't want to plan too much in case you had your own ideas. You're turning 20, after all.”

Isak sighed, and sat up. “Well, I’d like to see some of our friends, I think. Maybe Sana and Yousef? Or Jonas, I would love to see Jonas and the guys, too. Oh, and Eskild and Linn, too...”

Even saw that he started to be overwhelmed by all the possibilities. “What if we just send out a text and see who has the time to meet up for a coffee or a drink or something?”

Isak didn't have to know that Even already had made sure that all his friends were free this evening.

Isak’s face lit up. “Good idea.”

So they did that. Isak made a chat and added all his buddies, and Even’s too, asking to meet them for a small and simple celebration.

“Not at KB, though,” Even sighed. “I’m there almost every day.”

Isak hummed, and looked out the window.  “The weather is nice. Sunshine and warm weather. What if we meet up in Vigelandsparken?”   

“Sure.” Even’ s heart ached a little. That was where they celebrated Isak two years ago. “We can bring food, just like the last time.”

Isak smiled, and squeezed Even`s hand. “Yeah, we can do that. Barbeque some hot dogs and have some ‘utepils’. It`ll be my first beer outside this year. The weather in Trondheim has been shit.”

Even chuckled, and got on with it. It required some quick organizing, but he was pleased that he managed to do it. Jonas and Eva fixed the beer, Chris some sodas, Mahdi the sausages and Sana and Yousef offered to fix some halal sausages. Magnus brought some disposable grills. Vilde made a potato salad. Even decided that he could bake a focaccia and bring some nice garlic dip, while Eskild made a salad. That could make it all a little bit more festive, and not just hot dogs with ketchup and mustard. Noora would bring disposable plates and cutlery. 

Isak was chuckling in the background as Even did the planning. “I didn't know you had it in you, Even,” he laughed. “You're basically a birthday planner!”

Even only grinned and hoped that it was going to be good. He had to admit that he was nervous. He didn't want any of them to have too big expectations, he knew that he couldn`t fix everything that had happened with one birthday party. He just hoped that it at least wouldn't be like the catastrophe last year. He hoped that they would have a good time, and hopefully they would have a lifetime to make everything as good as they wanted it to be. 

_ April 2019 (Then) _

Even missed Isak all the time. When he and the guys had left Oppdal behind them and were back in Oslo, Even kept repeating ´one minute at a time` to himself. It grounded him, somehow. Made him believe that there was hope for happiness. 

The first days without Isak were hard, though. They had practically lived under each other's skin for ten days, breathing each other in, and suddenly it was over. Even felt like he just had won the grand prize, and had just started to enjoy it, before someone snatched it from him. It was horrible. 

“It`s just a couple of weeks until 17. mai,” Mikael said one day, when they sat in the flat watching a bad movie that Even couldn't focus on. “You'll see Isak then, alright?”

“I know.” Even sighed. “But how can I be sure that it's going to be okay?”

Mikael laughed. “You never can. That's the fun of it.”

Even grinned. Mikael used to do that sometimes. Surprise him. Even though they had known each other since elementary school, Mikael could still surprise him. Behind his bubbly fun appearance, Mikael was a smart kid. Good with words. Sometimes he had good advice, too.

Even was so glad he and the other boys were back in his life. After some awkward moments, he and Mikael had found their way back to something well known. Best buddies. And Yousef, Elias, Mutta and Adam were there as Even`s supportive wall of friends. It was pretty amazing.

Even let out a slow sigh, and tried to focus on the film. It wasn`t easy. He still missed Isak like crazy. They had phoned each other, of course. They had texted and Skyped and done all the things young lovers in different parts of the country do. And it helped a little. But it wasn`t enough. It was never enough. So Even started to do more of the things that he had become good at the last months. He dove obsessively into schoolwork, his hobbies and his job. 

His therapist had told him to not overdo it, of course. It was bad enough that he had fucked Isak daily (and more) for ten days; obsessive working and studying wasn't better, apparently. So Even stuck to his routines. Medicines. Working just enough. Studying just enough. Going to bed early. Avoiding alcohol and drugs. Living a boring life.

“So how are you holding up, then?” Mikael asked. 

“Well, I`m keeping busy. Studying, working, filming, you know.” Even groaned. “But I shouldn't overdo that either. My therapist says that I'm running away from my feelings. And that obsessing over those things can be bad for me. Trying to keep in balance is driving me a little crazy, though.”

Mikael laughed. “You miss Isak, basically.”

Even sighed. “Yeah. I don't feel whole without him, to be honest.”

Mikael got a thoughtful look on his face. “I`ve always heard that you shouldn't rely on someone else to feel whole.”

Even frowned. “That`s probably true. And I don't, I promise. I am much more independent now than before Isak left. I don't feel whole without him, but I know I can manage if I have to.”

Did he? Well, he would manage, but what life would it be? Even didn't like to think about that.

“I guess I will focus on school, you know, and work. My routines. It has worked so far, it will have to work a little longer.”

Mikael nodded. “Yeah, well, as long as you don't lock yourself away from life.” 

“What do you mean?”

“People need people. It`s how the world goes around. It's not bad to need someone sometimes.”

Even frowned. “I guess I know that. But what are you saying? First you say that I shouldn't need someone else to feel whole, and then you say that it`s okay to need someone sometimes. Which is it?”

“Both, maybe?” Mikael laughed. “Always both. I mean, it's always about balance, isn't it?”

Even snorted. “Balance. Fuck. I'm starting to hate that word.”

Mikael giggled. “Chill, Even. I have no clue about these things, to be honest. You are the one with a boyfriend. Right?” 

“Well, that's true.” Even smiled. He let out his breath. He didn't know what was right do do. He only knew that he would try to do his best. He would do everything he could, to keep Isak in his life. He would do the waiting, too. “I guess I will just have to go on then,” he said, and winked to Mikael. “- and take one day at the time.” So he did.  

_ June 2019 (Now) _

Celebrating Isak in the park was perfect. Even was pretty pleased with himself. It was relaxed, fun, and Isak was surrounded by his friends. They were all here; Jonas, Eva, Vilde, Magnus, Mahdi, Eskild and Linn. Noora, Chris, Sana, Yousef and Elias. Mikael and Adam. Everyone who mattered. 

They had been chatting with Sana for a long time, and thanked her for the hundredth time for bringing them back together. They had found time to chat with all of the others, too. Isak talked for a long time with Jonas, and their hug was one of the most beautiful ones Even had ever seen. Eskild talked to Even, and said that he would hunt him down if he ever left Isak again. Jonas said something similar, too. And Yousef hugged him and told him how happy he was. Then they had played Kubb for a long time, while they chatted and laughed and had fun.

Now Even and Isak sat cuddled together, sipping their beers and following the chat and life around them.

“You and me,” Even said. “We’ve come a long way, you know.”

Isak nodded, once. “True.” He looked thoughtful. “You know what? I figured out that I’ll keep some parts of Markus. He wasn't all bad, you know?” He blushed a little, but his face had a teasing expression.

“Yeah, I do.” Even paused. “And I’ll keep some of my new controlled sides, too. I kind of like being a party planner once in a while.”

Isak nodded, he had a fond smile on his face. They sat in silence for a while, watching the tumult of all the others, until Isak broke it with a question. "So, are you ready to do this now?" he asked in a small voice. “You know, you and me? With the distance and everything?” There was a note of fear in his voice. It gave Even no pleasure to hear it. Hell, Isak couldn't even look Even in the eye. 

"Yeah." Even turned Isak's face by the chin to face him and then leaned forward to kiss him...a soft and gentle caress. "I've never been more ready for anything. We'll make it work."

Isak breathed out. He met Even`s eyes, and suddenly he was secure again, and a little cocky, too.  " Me neither," he said in that throaty voice that never failed to make Even hard. "This is going to be good, as long as we talk.” He husked and then sensually licked at one corner of Even's mouth, drawing a moan from him. 

"Fuck." Even’s eyes fluttered close.

"Right?" Isak demanded, as he sucked Even`s earlobe into his mouth.

"Right." Even breathed. "We'll talk. No more stupid assumptions." He added huskily and then promptly growled when Isak began to slowly, maddeningly, dip his tongue into his ear, mimicking the act of sex. Even was completely aroused. "Jesus, Isak..." Even's voice held a subtle warning note. He opened his eyes to look at Isak, his eyes moving down, as if by magnet, to Isak's erect cock. He groaned as Isak`s hand moved down to wrap around Even`s bulge in his pants, Isak`s thumb rubbing slow circles against the shaft and tip. Fuck, he wanted to bury himself deep inside Isak, but he knew that they were surrounded by their friends and should take it slow. Isak was licking his neck now. 

Even reached for Isak`s bulge now and loved the erotic sound that fell from Isak's lips. A sound that shot directly to Even's own cock. Even shivered. Fuck, the others... The things they were doing were getting far too obvious. “Isak… You have to stop."

Isak looked down at Even's hand in his own lap and smirked. "Sure you want me to?" He breathed, taking Even's lips in a fierce kiss. "I want you so fucking much right now, Even. You've starved me long enough." He rasped. 

Even's breath hitched in his throat.  “Well.. uh… We fucked this morning.”

Isak raised an eyebrow and smiled. Then he leaned closer and breathed into Even`s ear. “Before that. You know what I mean. I`ve been waiting so long.” Even shivered as he heard the deep voice and felt he warm breath against his skin.

“We need to go home now,” Isak said. He looked at Even with a daring look. Even saw the determined fire in Isak's eyes and knew that he couldn't stop Isak from doing what he'd set his mind on doing. He didn't want to, either. His whole body was singing with lust for his boy. 

He still raised his eyebrows. “Are you telling me or asking?”

There was a dangerous glint in Isak’s eyes. He took hold of Even`s wrists, restraining them at his sides. “Oh I’m definitely telling you, baby.”

Even swallowed hard.  The combination of the way Isak was staring at him with such hunger and possessiveness, how he was restraining him, and and those hot words was driving him insane.  “Uhm, okay.” He bit his lip. “Are you Isak or Markus right now?”

Isak grinned. “Both, baby. Always both.” He winked. 

Even laughed, but understood. Isak was both, and he probably always had been. Even liked to see this new side of Isak more though, he liked it a lot. Just as much as he liked to see his softer side. He wanted both. 

As they got up, trying to hide their boners, he whispered: “You’re aware that we’re becoming the couple that runs from all of your birthday parties?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Sure. Who cares? The guys won't mind.”

And of course they didn't. When Isak and Even said their hasty goodbye, they only got grins and some thumbs up. 

“Fuck, I’m so glad to see you back together,” Magnus even said. “Go home and have some fun, boys.”

They all laughed, and even Sana smiled, looking very pleased with herself.

Isak pretended to look offended, Even could tell, but he just ended up looking pleased with himself.

They hurried home, kissing and groping each other as often as they could on the way. Isak was still a bit bossy, but mostly playful. When Even proved that he could be a bit bossy and demanding, too, it seemed like Isak enjoyed it a lot. As they entered their flat and shut the door behind them,  Isak tore Even's jacket and shirt off and latched onto a nipple.

"Oh fuck..." Even's eyes closed as his head fell back in pleasure. His sexy boyfriend was making it very difficult to stay unaffected. He was so hard his cock was beginning to fight behind the zipper that confined it. The sight and feel of Isak's erect cock against his hip wasn't helping matters. 

Isak pushed him towards the bed. He was looking horny and very, very happy. "This day… It’s been amazing, Even. How did you manage to make me such a good birthday, baby?" Isak focused his lust-glazed eyes to give Even a curious look.

"I've got my sources." Even mumbled as his fingers went to Isak’s zipper. "I gotta make some effort. Wanna make sure I’ll keep you. Up." He instructed and waited whilst Isak lifted his arse.

Isak raised an eyebrow, but did as Even told him to. “What`s this? Are you trying to boss me around now?” he asked, grinning.

“Maybe I am.” Even pulled down Isak's jeans, together with his boxer briefs to his knees. Isak looked a little baffled and very very turned on. Even grinned. He felt a little exhilarated, taking the control. ”I`m gonna make you feel good, baby,” he said. He moved up to line his hole with Isak's pulsing cock. He prepped himself with some lube, but not for long. He was so fucking ready.

Isak stared up at him. “You're going to give me just what I need, right? Aren`t you, baby?”

Damn. Isak wouldn't let him be the only one being bossy, it seemed. “Behave, baby,” Even warned, and took Isak`s wrists, restraining him. “Let me do the work now, okay?” Locking eye on Isak's, Even pushed just the tip inside his tender ring, drawing a whimpering gasp of need from Isak. Even smiled. Being a bit playfully bossy in bed wasn't bad, really. And he really liked that Isak still was feisty.

With a bated breath, Isak seemed to hold himself steady as Even began to slowly sink down his throbbing length. "Oh fuck..." Isak groaned as if he were in pain. Even let out a sound, too, enjoying the stretching, sliding feeling inside. It was so fucking good. 

"I'm never going to let you go, Isak." Even rasped, twining his fingers into Isak's hair. He probably sounded possessive as fuck, but he didn`t care.

"You’d better not." Isak responded huskily, reaching between them to grip Even`s cock. Even moaned, and his legs shook as the thick crest of Isak's cock pushed inside him, stretching him. "Damn, I love your cock..." Even gasped as he impaled himself on that hard cock, keeping his eyes open despite the urge to close them in pleasure. The feel of Isak’s length inside him was so good he would have gladly remained like that forever.

He licked his lips, drawing a moan from Isak whose dilated eyes followed Even’s tongue. "I need you, baby." He felt Isak's balls against his arse. "Ohhh my God." Even bucked, a rough moan emerging from his throat. 

"Fuck I love you Even." Isak looked so overcome with emotion. "This… you and me... is forever."

Forever with Isak? Even smiled wide, with his chest filled with joy, lust and love. What more could he ask for? "You’re damned right." Even whispered as he started gyrating his hips, working Isak with exquisite fervor. "God, I can't get enough of you." He whimpered brokenly, closing the gap between them to kiss Isak with every ounce of love in him.

And even as they rocked against each other languidly, slowly building up to that exquisite orgasmic bliss, Even couldn't be more grateful. No matter what was right or wrong,  Even knew that Isak had filled a hole inside him that Even hadn't even known was there. Isak kept him grounded. He'd become his rock. Even hoped that he could be Isak’s too.

As Isak locked his eyes with him, looking so lost in the moment and so focused at the same time, Even realized that it excited him, to get to know Isak all over again. Isak had changed a bit, after all. They both had. They were both more secure in themselves somehow, and had a new playfulness together, and new things to explore, and Even loved it. 

Even moved with Isak and felt his relief coming, and he let it come, knowing they had all summer together. They would have this distance relationship, and it wouldn't be easy, but… They would see each other again in the autumn holiday, and Isak would come back a weekend or two, when he had the chance. Even could take the trip, too. Isak would be home for Christmas. And next Easter they would meet up. It was going to be okay. After three years in Trondheim, Isak could come back to Oslo and either continue his studies or start to work. They could manage that.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Even looked into Isak’s eyes, feeling so close to him that it was like they were under each other’s skin. His thoughts about their future faded as the sight of Isak’s loving eyes and the feeling of Isak’s dick took all his focus. He whimpered at the pure, physical rightness of Isak penetrating his body and making them one. He knew his body was on the verge of a complete meltdown. The pressure, the heat, the stretch, the friction, the sensation of being filled so completely, and the exquisite pleasure of Isak pressed against his sweet spot...it was just too much. He lost it... Just fucking lost it. Even erupted before he knew the orgasm was on him, gasping Isak's name as pleasure racked his body violently. With a shaky whimper, Isak came, as he held onto Even and kissed his neck.

This was going to be fine, Even realized, and finally he could relax. He and Isak were going to be fine. As they both breathed and clung to each other, he shut his eyes for a moment and thanked the universe (and Sana Bakkoush) for this second chance. He knew now that both he and Isak would make the most of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You read it all? Yay! Please please please tell me what you think. :)
> 
> You can find me at Tumblr as @crazyheartfics. I have changed my name... lol

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay! 
> 
> By the way, you can find me on Tumblr as @crazyheartfics. Come talk with me! You can even yell to me anonymously about what you don't like about my fics. Because I want to know what Works and what doesn't. I don`t answer anon hate, though.


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